Hello, warframe! I've been playing for a while and I help run a clan now, so I thought I'd put some of my best (worst) advice into one place. Here are some great (awful) things to think about:

1. When farming with Nekros, he gets more chances to Desecrate for more loot based on how many severed parts enemies have. Make sure to keep slashing even at corpses so everyone knows you're a complete psychopath.
2. Spoiler mode is great for reviving team members, especially with invisibility, but check their MR first if you're going to do that. Low level scrubs don't deserve to be revived.
3. Higher rarity Prime parts are worth more Ducats, so it's a rule that you have to say "DUCATS" in the loudest, dumbest voice possible on party chat when you pick them on the relic crack screen.
4. Voidrig's 2 gives it invincibility for several seconds, giving your shields time to regen and the Bruntspar skin's head time to reenact The Exorcist.
5. If you're trying to stay grouped up with a friend but want randos to leave your party after a mission, it's customary to type "WHY ARE THESE FOOLS STILL BREATHING MY AIR" into squad chat.
6. Deluxe Skins are the best use of login market coupons partially because you can't get them in any other way, but mostly because then everyone knows just how much of a thirsty bitch you really are. We know exactly why you bought Nova's Atomica skin.
7. If you're new to open world content, you can get a K-Drive hoverboard for free from the Fortuna quest, allowing you to see the world from below as you clip through the ground and fall into oblivion.
8. All three sub-species of Vulpaphylas from Deimos self-res automatically so your pet can die guilt-free. Repeatedly.
9. Ayatan sculptures can be used to decorate your orbiter, letting you tell your friends "LOOK HOW MUCH ENDO I DON'T NEED" without ever having to type or say it.
10. If you're new to the game, make sure to play The Second Dream as soon as possible for a free existential crisis. Nobody online will tell you what it's about out of respect for existentialist Soren Kierkegaard, who famously did not have the internet.
11. Did you know Warframe has PVP? It doesn't! There is no PVP in Warframe. Why would you think that?
12. In addition to having a credit doubler built into his Effigy ability, Chroma is also a 13 year old's Platonic ideal of "badass." It's me. I'm 13. Ignore the "1985" on my driver's license.
13. When you use Nidus's larva to yank Dargyn pilots into the ball, killing them counts for "kill Dargyn pilots before they hit the ground" and makes the ball burp, which is hilarious.
14. Using a melee weapon as Wukong is a perfectly legal way to give a gun to a monkey.

Hello everyone, for the last few months I have been creating long form write-ups on a variety of unsolved cases. If you are interested in other lengthy write ups you can find them on my profile- https://www.reddit.com/useQuirky-Moto.
Months ago, I was asked to cover the inexplicable case of Judy Smith, a woman who went missing from Philadelphia or perhaps Massachusetts, only for her body to be found in North Carolina months later. The case was famously covered on the show Unsolved Mysteries, and it is strange enough to warrant a long, hard look at the case and a comprehensive timeline. I hope you are able to learn something new about this semi well-known case.
Background
Judy Smith was born Judith Eldridge in Massachusetts in 1946. Right out of high school Judy married for the first time. Her husband and she had been married very shortly when in an attemot to avoid the draft, he fled to Sweden. Judy went in search of her young husband but soon returned to the states empty handed and filed for divorce. Years later, Judy married Charles Bradford a man who worked in the racehorse industry. They had two children together, Craig and Amy, but unfortunately the marriage did not last and soon Judy found herself jobless and raising two children by herself. Rather than fret, Judy got a job and enrolled in nursing school. Judy was known to study in all of her free time and soon became a successful home health care nurse. In 1986 at age 40, Judy was caring for a man who was recovering from throat surgery when she met her patient’s son, a well to do lawyer named Jeffrey Smith. Jeffrey said he was impressed by how Judy cared for his father and asked her on a date. Judy and Jeff had several things in common, both had been divorced single parents who raised children alone, and Jeffrey worked in healthcare as well, except he was a lawyer. The couple both enjoyed going to plays and Celtics basketball games. After seven years together, Jeff and Judy moved in together and three years later the couple married in Nov., 1996.
According to friends and family, Judy was a rather assertive and independent person. She was no stranger to travelling alone. Judy had been to Europe on her own a few times, and when her children were pre-teens, she took them to Europe for a backpacking adventure. Judy also independently traveled to Thailand where she went hiking and visited friends. While Judy wasn’t the epitome of fitness, she was an active person who enjoyed walking, hiking, and sightseeing. She was also known to be a go-getter who once helped an AIDS patient who was having a medical crisis on a plane. So, while Judy was kindhearted and considerate, she wasn’t thought to be naive and was able to take care of herself in a variety of different situations.
The disappearance
Five months into her new marriage on April 9th 1997, Jeffrey prepared to attend a conference in Philadelphia that was taking place from Wednesday April 9th-Friday April 11th at the Double Tree hotel in downtown Philadelphia. Judy decided to accompany her husband to Philadelphia and planned to do some sightseeing in the area. Afterwards, the Smiths were going to New Jersey to spend the weekend with some friends before flying back home.
On April 9th in the morning, Judy accompanied her husband to Logan International Airport to fly to Philadelphia, but discovered at the gate that she could not board as she did not have her photo ID. Judy encouraged Jeffrey to take the 1:30 pm flight and assured him that she would take a flight later that day and meet him in Philadelphia. According to relatives, the Smiths took public transport to the airport and Judy apparently took the bus back home and retrieved her ID. Jeffrey flew to the conference while Judy returned home and booked a flight for later that day. Judy boarded a 7:30 pm flight and arrived at the hotel in Philadelphia at approximately 9:30 pm.
Once at the hotel, the couple purchased some snacks and went to bed. The next morning Jeffrey awoke and ate breakfast at the complimentary buffet downstairs while his wife was still asleep. When he returned to the room Judy was in the shower. The two talked about several things, and Judy explained that she planned on taking the PHLASH bus in order to see the famous sights such as the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. The Smiths planned on meeting up at the hotel in the evening to attend the conference’s 6 pm cocktail party together. With that squared away, Jeffrey attended the conference. Sometime in between 9 and 10 am a hotel concierge recalled seeing a woman matching Judy’s description ask how to get to the PHLASH bus stop. The woman was in her 50s, with shortish hair, wearing a dark colored coat, blue jeans, and white tennis shoes, carrying a bright red backpack. (Picture of the Judy wearing the backpack here).
At approximately 5:30 pm Jeffrey who was done with the day’s sessions returned to the hotel room expecting to find Judy waiting for him. Judy wasn’t there, so Jeffrey attended the cocktail hour in the hopes his wife was already visiting at the party, but she wasn’t there either. For the next 45 minutes, Jeffrey floated between the room and the party hoping to find Judy. At approximately 6:15 pm Jeffrey told the concierges that his wife had not returned from sightseeing and the hotel staff began calling local hospitals. At 6:30 pm, Jeffrey hopped in a taxi and instructed the driver to take the PHLASH bus route slowly so he could look for his wife. In one interview Jeffrey recalled that he made the driver go so slow it angered those stuck behind him. After a few hours without any sign of Judy, Smith called the police to report his wife missing. Shockingly, the PPD told Jeffrey that he couldn’t file a report until it had been twenty-four hours since the last final sighting of Judy. After lodging some complaints with some high-ranking officials within the city, a missing person’s report was taken for Judy Smith on the morning of April 11th, 1997 (Lewis, 1997).
Jeffrey called his step children and asked them to check the house in case Judy had gone home, and he also asked that they would check the answering machine, but there were no messages of note and the house was empty.
A check of the hotel room showed that Judy had left with her signature red backpack, her wallet, the jewelry she normally wore including a diamond engagement band and a simple silver wedding ring, and the clothes on her back. Jeffrey estimated that she had approximately $200 dollars with her at the time.
According to later interviews with Philadelphia investigators, Judy, or someone with her name did in fact buy a USair ticket on the 7:30 pm flight into Philadelphia. Her ticket was used to make the flight and her seat was occupied on the flight into Philadelphia (Justiceforjudy.org). At the time of the Smiths’ trip, regulations that required photo identification to board a plane had only been in effect for 18 months and Judy had flown only one other time during that time frame. Additionally, police have a luggage tag from Judy’s suitcase that showed that she took the 7:30 pm flight, and that her bag did not travel to Philadelphia with Jeffrey earlier in the day (AP, Oct 4th, 1997).
Sightings
As news of Judy’s disappearance spread, many people called the police station to report various sightings of Judy.
One PHLASH driver remembered picking up Judy in the early afternoon at Front and South streets, a stop near the Double Tree.
There was also a reported sighting of Judy entering the Greyhound bus station at 11th and Filbert sometime in the early afternoon. This station is a common place for tourists to use the bathroom and is only a 10-minute walk to the DoubleTree hotel. One report claims Judy was seen entering and then exiting the station but most reports mention only entering the station. This area was close to Philadelphia’s Chinatown and Jeffrey speculated that Judy may have gone to Chinatown for lunch as she loved both Chinese and Thai food, but no restaurant owners remembered seeing Judy that day.
There was yet another sighting of a woman who looked like Judy at around 3 pm near the hotel; witnesses claimed this woman seemed disoriented.
A number of sightings were reported over the next few days in the waterfront area of the city called Penn’s Landing. A variety of people claimed to have seen Judy. Some witnesses said she seemed confused or dazed. Judy’s two children, her son in law Jay, and Jeffrey looked into these sightings and discovered that there was a homeless woman in the area who looked strikingly similar to Judy and it is believed that many witnesses saw this woman rather than Judy Smith. This local resident looked so similar to Judy that at one point Judy’s son Craig crossed the street thinking he had discovered his mother, only for it to be the other woman. Police officers and volunteers stopped this woman a number of times as well.
One transient in the area, a man named David, was insistent that he saw Judy, not the other woman, on the night of April 10th in the Penn’s landing area, either resting or sleeping on the bench. He was insistent it was Judy, and not the other woman as he knew the other woman from the neighborhood. Judy’s son believes this story is credible as David was coherent and very willing to be interviewed, even though there was nothing to be gained from his testimony and he was simply happy to help the family. He also identifed Judy from a collection of photos, something many other witnesses were unable to do.
On April 11th an employee at a Macy’s department store in Deptford, New Jersey believed that she interacted with Judy Smith in the morning on that day. She described the clothes Judy wore, right down to the old red backpack. This shopper told the employee, that she was buying some dresses for her daughter but laughed because her daughter often disliked the pieces that she purchased for her. Judy’s family confirmed that this was acurate and affirmed that Judy sometimes shopped at Macy’s. The customer appeared to be slightly disoriented as she asked a young woman in the store to leave with her, thinking that the other customer was her daughter or a someone else she knew. One report says that Judy asked another customer in the store about menopause, a very odd subject to talk about, especially with someone you don’t know in a department store.
This mall complex was in Deptford, New Jersey, a bus ride away from Philadelphia, across the Delaware River. According to newspaper reports, NJ Transit Buses had routes which traveled from downtown Philly to Deptford hourly, and the stop was very close to the mall the sighting took place at, meaning it was possible for Judy to have boarded the bus and ended up in Deptford quite easily. Unfortunately, the Macy’s didn’t have security footage which showed this customer and the woman paid for her purchases in cash.
After a second story ran in the newspaper on April 14th, a variety of other witnesses came forward with stories. The most famous report came from a Society Hill hotel employee who explained that a woman who matched Judy’s description stayed in the hotel from April 13th-15th. The woman appeared to have psychiatric problems and did a variety of strange things during her stay such as touch herself very noticeably in front of the window (it’s unknown if this was in her room or in the lobby), speak in tongues, and finally claimed that “the emperor” would help her pay for her stay at the hotel. This wacky guest was remembered by several employees including the hotel manager, a woman named Abby Gainer, who alerted the police. The strange guest told the employees that she wanted to stay at the hotel for another night but didn’t have the funds to do so. She later said she would get the money via a Western Union wire transfer from “the emperor” (Altman, 1997).
The nearby Best Western Hotel had a similar situation with a similar woman. Concierge Tyrone Taylor remembered that on the 15th, a woman matching this description entered the hotel to use the telephone in the late afternoon. The woman was speaking loudly and said that “the emperor of China” was going to pay for her stay as she did not have the cash to pay for a night at the hotel. Taylor reported that the woman was well dressed and did not appear to be a transient. Both hotel employees reported that the woman was a heavyset blonde in her 50s, wearing heavy dark makeup, eye glasses with tape on the side, and nicer clothes. Gainer reported the woman was sporting an expensive looking scarf with camels and roses on it. The woman, who signed in as "H. K. Rich/Collins," did not have any luggage with her and was wearing very different clothes than Judy was last seen in. When Taylor called the police to report his sighting, he gave the strange guest a call (she must have left a telephone number) and told her she could have a free night at the hotel. She arrived at the Best Western but police decided that the woman was not Judy Smith (Altman, 1997). The hotel sightings were nothing more than a red herring. Over the next few months various sightings were reported but none seemed to pan out. Many of the sightings were believed to be other people who looked like Judy. After all history has shown that false eyewitness sightings are incredibly common in cases of missing persons.
Philadelphia PD’s investigation
Philadelphia PD launched an inquiry into the disappearance of Judy Smith on April 11th, 1997. Jeffrey tried to report Judy as missing in the late evening hours of April 10th, but the police told him to wait 24 hours. Smith, however, was a well-connected man and after a few complaints to both a Pennsylvania state representative and the mayor (both men were attorneys and knew Jeffrey from previous work functions), Jeffrey was able to file a report in the early morning hours of the 11th. The Smith family made and hung flyers in the area. Judy’s children joined the search and followed up on sightings around the tourist areas of Philly. Police interviewed Jeffrey, Judy’s children, and others in order to retrace Judy’s last steps. Judy left behind her passport at her home in Massachusetts meaning she could not have easily left the county. The Smith’s two landline records were checked but nothing out of the ordinary was found.
After interviews and searches of the area, Philadelphia PD announced that they believed Judy had never made it to Pennsylvania at all and speculated that Judy went missing from the Boston area. This speculation was based on a couple of things.
First, investigators did not believe Jeffrey’s story that Judy couldn’t catch the flight due to a lack of photo ID. Police thought that this story was odd and did not believe a seasoned traveler like Judy would forget her license at home before heading to the airport.
Later investigation showed that someone named Judith Smith took a 7:30pm flight into Philadelphia and flight manifest showed that the ticket was used to make the flight that evening, however, the entire incident is still odd to many amateur sleuths and professional investigators.
Another detective thought it was odd that while Judy had clothes and belongings in the hotel room, she didn’t have any cosmetics with her. Further, detectives noticed that there were few soiled items of clothing in the room meaning that if Judy was in Philadelphia on the 10th, she wore the same jeans and coat that she was wearing the night before. Judy’s children reported that this wasn’t uncommon for their mother as she wasn’t a frilly person. They also said that their mother only wore makeup on occasion and not while traveling so these things didn’t seem out of the ordinary to them. (Personally, I have also wondered if Judy did have some makeup, but it was in her backpack at time. I know plenty of women who don’t wear much makeup, but if you looked in their purse or bag you might find some lip stick or powder.)
Investigators went on to say that no one but Jeffrey could place Judy in Philadelphia during this time frame. This announcement resulted in several eyewitnesses who claimed that they had seen Judy at the hotel. One receptionist from the hotel claimed that on April 9th in between 9-10 pm, she saw Judy arrive at the hotel and greet her husband in the lobby. She said that Jeffrey gave Judy flowers and the two appeared to be apologizing to each other. (Jeffrey said this was the case except Judy gave him the flowers). One concierge remembered a woman in her 50s with a coat and old red backpack ask him how to get to the PHLASH bus stop at around 10 am on April 10th. He knew it was after 9 am because that is when his shift started. Finally, a conference goer named Carmen Catazone, who was sitting in the lobby also recalled the flower incident from the night before. The woman did not know Jeffrey personally, but recognized him from the conference. Jeffrey was a moderator for a variety of sessions and was very overweight so he was easily recognizable. These witness’ accounts seem to line up with Jeffrey’s story. As far as I can tell the flower story had not been released to the press at this point.
Finally, Philadelphia PD divulged that Jeffrey wasn’t fully cooperative, as he wouldn’t submit to a polygraph. Jeffrey denies this and said that as a lawyer he knew that polygraphs are fallible. Further, he claims that he was willing to take a lie detector if it was given by an outside agency such as the FBI, but Philadelphia police declined this scenario. These are the four reasons investigators used in order to prop up their theory that Judy wasn’t in Philadelphia at all. Despite witness sightings, this theory is a popular on online to this day.
Aftermath and Discovery
After several weeks Jeffrey returned to the Boston area and tried to resume his normal life. He drastically cut back his hours at the office reporting that he could not focus on his work. Smith attempted to keep his wife’s case in the spotlight doing interviews whenever he could and eventually landing a spot on the show Unsolved Mysteries. On the show, one friend of the couple called the marriage “tenuous” but modern articles on the case mention that the police could find no one who reported concerns like these about the couples’ relationship. In independent interviews Judy’s adult children denied witnessing any warning signs in their mother’s new marriage. Eventually, Jeffrey hired three private investigators to look for Judy. The PIs faxed over 9,000 missing posters to police departments and hospitals all over the country hoping that someone would recognize Judy.
Five months after her disappearance in September 1997, a man and his son were hunting in the Pisgah National Forest near Candler, North Carolina, a short drive from the city of Asheville. On a steep incline one-quarter mile from a picnic area, which itself was a mile from hike from the nearest parking area, the duo found what appeared to be a human bone. They alerted the police who responded to the scene. Over an area approximately 300 feet in diameter, investigators found most of a human skeleton which had been wrapped in a blue blanket and buried in a very shallow grave. Scavenging animals had dug up the skeleton and a few bones had been carried away. The skeleton was determined to be female. The woman was dressed in thermal underwear under her jeans, hiking boots, socks, a t-shirt, a bra and a jacket. Nearby in two different holes, a blue vinyl backpack and a men’s shirt had been buried. The backpack contained some winter clothing and 80 dollars. The shirt contained a pair of $110 Bolle brand sunglasses, as well an additional $87. A paperback mystery novel was also found nearby. She carried no ID. The slope where the body was discovered was near some hiking trails, but the hill itself was steep and at an elevation of 4,000 feet, the search was difficult. The incline was so severe that one investigator crushed his sciatic nerve attempting to search the area, an injury which required major surgery.
Early coverage of the body’s discovery in the Asheville Citizen Times, initially reported that the police found a body belonging to a woman who they believed to be in her 20s dressed in hiking clothes (Ball, 1997). Several days later, the medical examiner assessed the bones and concluded that the skeleton was that of white woman in her 40s or 50s, who was about 5’3” tall with shortish light brown hair. There were cut marks in the woman’s bra and t-shirt which indicated that she had been stabbed in the chest area, however, no cause of death could be determined. Some reports mention that there was trauma to the woman’s ribs. The decedent also had a severely arthritic right knee (some reports say it was her left knee), extensive fillings and dental work in her molars, and some animal hair on her shirt, which may have been horse hair. The woman did not seem to be a transient due to her nice clothes and dental work. The death was ruled a homicide as the woman had been wrapped in a blanket post mortem and buried. The ME determined that the body had been there for 1-2 years prior. For several weeks the skeleton remained nameless in the ME’s office.
On September 9th, a small blurb about the unidentified body ran in an Asheville, North Carolina paper. 65 miles away in Franklin, NC, an ER physician named Parker Davis was looking at missing poster which had been faxed to the hospital he worked at when he noticed that the woman on the poster had a severely arthritic knee. He remembered the story of the skeleton from the paper who had a similar knee problem. On a whim he called the police who were able to get a copy of Judy’s missing poster. After a preliminary check, the ME contacted Jeffrey in order to obtain a copy of Judy’s dental records. The records were a match, and by the end of September 1997, Judy had her name back. Friends and family were also able to identify Judy’s diamond engagement band with a pear-shaped stone and wedding ring which had been found on or near the body. Some early reports say that the woman had no jewelry and that Judy’s wedding ring was missing, but later reports say that it was found near the body. The area of the burial was searched on at least three occasions so it is possible the rings were not found until later. Missing was Judy’s wallet, red backpack, and some jewelry that she typically wore (it’s unclear what jewelry this is referring to). The coat she was last seen wearing was nowhere to be found and the clothes she was dressed in, as well as those in the backpack were unable to be identified by family or friends. The shirt buried nearby was a men’s shirt and was believed to belong to the killer, not Judy. Furthermore, the sunglasses did not appear to be Judy’s as Judy’s kids said she wasn’t the type to spend over $100 on sunglasses. The sunglasses are an athletic style and to me look like men’s or unisex sport sunglasses.
Buncombe County Investigation
Buncombe County Sheriff’s Department took over the case from the PPD after Judy’s identification. Once it was determined that Judy was the woman in the woods, several residents in and around Asheville reported that they had seen Judy or had interacted with her in the April shortly after she was last seen in Philadelphia. For example, one woman thought Judy had stayed at her hotel from April 10th-12th, one woman who worked at a souvenir shop near the Biltmore house (a tourist attraction near Asheville) thought that she spoke to Judy who said she was from Boston and that her husband was a lawyer. Another woman who worked in a store recalled that Judy with her red backpack. She claims that Judy bought a toy truck and approximately $30 worth of sandwiches. There were two other sightings of a person resembling Judy in the area in a gray sedan. One person claimed to have seen Judy near the Pisgah National Forest in a gray sedan chock full of stuff. This witness said that the woman was looking for a place to camp. Another person saw a woman in a gray sedan in the same area. All sightings occurred in the week or so after Judy was last seen in Philadelphia. Of course, it goes without saying that, eyewitness testimony can be unreliable and the human mind is susceptible to suggestion.
North Carolina investigators traveled to Philadelphia to retrace Judy’s steps. They have said that they don’t believe that PPD did a poor job but simply wanted to cover their bases. Two detectives flew to Philadelphia and determined that Judy probably been there at least briefly before traveling to the Pisgah National Forest. They reported that there was no indication that Judy had been abducted or otherwise forced to travel south. It appeared she at least started the journey of her own volition. In all the sightings of Judy in North Carolina, she was alone.
Buncombe county deputies were able to rule out Jeffrey as a suspect rather quickly, although they concede that anything is possible and Jeffrey could be involved however unlikely it seems. Jeffrey was ruled out based on his size and health. Jeffrey was a morbidly obese man who investigators noted began huffing and puffing when walking quickly or climbing stairs. Because of this they did not believe Jeffrey could have disposed of his wife’s body especially in such an inaccessible area of the forest. Furthermore, they could find no evidence that Jeffrey rented a car in Philadelphia adding to the logistical problems with Jeffrey being a suspect. On top of his lack of car, Jeffrey had less than 12 hours to dispose of Judy’s body as he was seen in the lobby of the hotel at 9:30 pm, and then was moderating a session of the conference at 9:30 am. Driving to the Pisgah National Forest from Philadelphia takes approximately nine hours one way meaning he did not have time to kill and dispose of his wife. One podcast on the case mentions that police could find no large withdrawals of money from the Smith’s accounts which could have indicated the hiring of a hit man or a paid accomplice. (I could find no other corroboration of this claim so take this with a grain of salt.) Jeffrey also kept his wife’s case in the spotlight and suffered many hardships in the wake of his wife’s disappearance. Besides the one woman who was interviewed on Unsolved Mysteries, no other friends or family reported that there were issues in marriage that they were aware of.
Philadelphia police also struggled with Jeffrey’s size as carrying and disposing of a dead body is quite taxing and it is doubtful that Jeffrey could have done this on his own. However, they say that Jeffrey is still as suspect as he could have killed his wife in Boston or had an accomplice.
With the most obvious suspect cleared, investigators moved on to other lines of inquiry. They searched the surrounding areas hoping to find people who had seen Judy which is how the discovery of the woman in the gray car was made. Police also searched a nearby horse farm as Judy was known to like horses and had what could have been horse hair on her body, but nothing definitive was found.
Other information

• Philadelphia investigators looked at the Smith’s phone records and determined that there was no unusual activity on either of their phone lines that would indicate that either of the Smiths were having affairs. Neither Jeffrey or Judy had cell phones. If Judy was having an affair at the time, none of her friends could provide any insight or speculate as to who it was. There was a computer in the house which was searched, but it is unknown if the computer was connected to the internet.
• When Judy went missing Jeffrey believed that she had approximately $200 on her person. About $500 dollars in cash was found among Judy’s things in the hotel room. Judy also disappeared with her ID, her credit card, and her phone card. To this day, there has been no activity on either card.
• Judy’s description varies from source to source. Some sources report that she was “heavy set” or “top heavy”. Others say she was 130 or 140 lbs., which is more average size for a 5’2” woman. In some pictures Judy looks to be of a larger build, but in some photos, she appears smaller. Whether these weights were a misprint or Judy was someone whose weight fluctuated regularly is unclear. It is not a very important detail but it is a discrepancy I wanted to point out.
• Judy had been to North Carolina only once and had no connection to the area. She had once been to Raleigh to visit Jeffrey who was at a weight loss clinic. Jeffrey said that he loved the area and thought about moving, but the couple never returned to the state. Family also said that Judy had once traveled to Tennessee or another nearby state with a former patient but that had been years earlier.
• Judy Smith is also the name of a famous "Crisis Manager." This Judy Smith was the inspiration for the hit show "Scandal" with actress Kerry Washington. This woman is not the same Judy Smith who went missing in 1997.

Suspects
Gary Michael Hilton, sometimes called the national park killer, is a suspect in Judy's disappearance. In 2008 Hilton was arrested for a murder in a national forest and was later linked to three other murders, all of which took place between 2005 and 2008. Hilton, who was in his 50s and 60s at the time, killed hikers in Florida, Georgia, and North Carolina and he is considered a suspect in many other murders in surrounding states such as Arkansas, South Carolina, and Tennessee. Hilton, who loved the outdoors, would often stalk hiking trails, camp sites, and other areas known for outdoor recreation to find victims to terrorize. His crimes were tended to be opportunistic and his motive most often was monetary. Hilton held down a series of jobs from 1997 to 2007 but did not work full time. He was also a drifter who moved from place to place. Hilton usually assaulted and robbed his victims of their wallets, atm cards, cash, and valuables. His victims were male and female, young and old. He seemed to prefer victims who were isolated and alone did not try to find a specific type of person otherwise. One thing that is interesting about Hilton as an offender is that it appears that he did not commit any violent crimes before he was 58 or 59 years old. Hilton has a very long rap sheet but most of his crimes were relatively minor such as possession of marijuana, carrying a pistol without a license, soliciting false donations for charity, carrying a police baton, and DUI. Once arrested several violent incidents that Hilton had been a part of came to light but he had never been convicted of them in the past. Most people agree someone with does not start a life of violent crime in their 60s. Many believe the Gary Michael Hilton has more victims then are currently known.
John and Irene Bryant, an eclectic couple in their 80s, were hiking in the Pisgah National Forest in 2007 when they were attacked by Hilton. Hilton killed Irene, and then kidnapped her husband in order to use their ATM cards and withdraw money before killing John as well. Irene's body was left only miles from where Judy's body was found 10 years earlier. This is one of the most convincing pieces of evidence that Hilton may have been involved in Judy's murder as well. However, it is important to note that Judy was not robbed and Hilton did not bury any of his known victims. Judy's murder also took place 10 years before any Hilton's other murders. Some blogs or more unofficial sources on the case mentioned that Hilton was believed to be in Georgia at the time of Judy's disappearance, but this isn't known for sure. If you are interested in learning more about the crimes of Gary Michael Hilton this reddit post is a really good place to start. This post did a good job of putting it all in one place so thank you u/lisagreenhouse.
Another offender who was in the Asheville area at the time of Judy's disappearance was a young man named Lewis Kyle Wilson. In the early 2000s Wilson was arrested after assaulting and robbing a sex worker he had brought home to his property. There's not a lot of information on Wilson online, but he was living in Asheville and would have been 19 at the time of Judy's disappearance. I cannot find any evidence that Wilson actually killed anyone but he does have a history of violence towards women and was in the area at the time so he is sometimes mentioned online as a possible suspect. One sex worker Wilson was known to frequent was the victim of an unsolved homicide that happened in 2006; Wilson is the prime suspect in that crime.
In 2016, only a couple of miles from Judy's burial site in the Pisgah National Forest, a lone hiker in her 60s was attacked, raped, and left tied to a tree. Thankfully, the woman was found alive and taken to the hospital. Some have wondered if this crime was connected to the Judy Smith homicide but there is no hard evidence of this and the rapist remains unknown.
Theories
Amnesia is one possible explanation for Judy’s disappearance. The family believes that Judy was injured or otherwise suffered a bout of dissociative amnesia which caused her to become confused or forget her identity. This is supported by the sightings of a confused or disoriented Judy in Philadelphia. The family believes this explains why Judy traveled to the Pisgah National Forest apparently of her own free will.
One theory is that Judy and Jeffrey had an argument that spurred an angry Judy to leave the area, whether she left from Boston or Philadelphia. After she left the area and traveled south to North Carolina, she met with foul play.
In a similar vein, some believed Judy willingly traveled to North Carolina to meet up with someone, perhaps a friend or a secret boyfriend. The ID incident at the airport was simply a cover so Judy could converse with this person who she wanted to meet. Once in North Carolina she met with foul play perhaps at the hand of the person she went to meet.
One theory Jeffrey explored was that Judy was suffering from mental illness and had a psychotic break. Being a lawyer, Jeffrey was able with some legal maneuvering to obtain all of Judy’s medical records from her adult life, including a physical she had had only months before hand. There was no indication that Judy had ever had any mental health concerns. Neither she or her doctors ever mentioned anything that would have pointed to any mental health problems, even minor ones such as anxiety. According to Jeffrey, Judy’s newest physical reported that Judy was in good mental and physical health (Lewis, 1997 and Trace Evidence Podcast).
Other sleuths have speculated that Judy traveled to North Carolina because she was questioning her sexuality. Asheville at the time was known for having an LGBT community. This theory is pushed forward by one interview on the Unsolved Mysteries segment as Judy’s friend says, “If you are looking for a mystery man, there wasn’t one.” Some have said that this implied that Judy had met a mystery woman, not a man. However, this theory is full of holes. No friends or family ever had any indication that Judy was questioning her sexuality. Judy had been married to men on three occasions and had other boyfriends as well. This explanation fails to explain why this realization would cause Judy to unexpectedly travel hundreds of miles and cease contact with her children. It also fails to explain who killed Judy.
Others have speculated that Judy was tricked into going to North Carolina. Perhaps she met someone while sightseeing who offered her a ride and that person abducted her or drove her to North Carolina for some reason.
Personally, I have always wondered if Judy was suffering from early onset dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. This would be a similar theory to the psychotic break theory; however, I believe this explains why Judy was described as both disoriented and acting normal in different sightings. I am by no means an expert, but if I understand correctly, patients with these conditions can get very confused and agitated but can also have times of acting completely lucid. I think this theory can explain why Judy forgot her license at home before flying, and can also explain her disappearance. I think it is possible Judy got on the wrong bus and ended up first at the Deptford mall and then eventually North Carolina, simply getting more and more lost each day. Of course, this hypothesis does not solve Judy’s murder, it simply gives an explanation for her travels.
A final theory that is prevalent online is the idea that the doe found in Pisgah National Forest was not Judy at all and was instead misidentified. While this is always possible and something I have entertained from time to time, Judy was matched via dental records, her arthritic knee, and her distinct engagement ring with a pear-shaped stone. If the doe was not Judy, then the mystery becomes even stranger, and now includes the identity and murder of yet another woman. While the odds of a similarly aged woman, with a bad knee, similar dental work, and a plain silver wedding band accompanied with a fancy diamond engagement ring, who was not Judy being murdered in the forest is possible, I believe that it is not very likely. Proponents of this theory point to the ME’s report that the doe had been in the forest for over a year, while Judy had been missing only five months at the time of her discovery.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Full list of sources are in part two- https://unsolved.com/gallery/judy-smith/
link to part 2 https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/kky2l2/when_a_body_is_found_600_miles_away_extensive_two/

Welcome to a new feature called Eye on the Right, tracking right wing extremism and attempts to hold them accountable.
EDIT: ADDED A TLDR IN PINNED COMMENT
Housekeeping:

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Threats and Security

The Department of Homeland Security released a warning that the nation continues to be threatened by “violent domestic extremists...emboldened” by the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol. The bulletin is a noticeable departure from those issued by the Trump administration, which consistently sought to downplay the danger posed by right-wing agitators.

“Information suggests that some ideologically-motivated violent extremists with objections to the exercise of governmental authority and the presidential transition, as well as other perceived grievances fueled by false narratives, could continue to mobilize to incite or commit violence... Long-standing racial and ethnic tension—including opposition to immigration—has driven [domestic violent extremist] attacks, including a 2019 shooting in El Paso, Texas that killed 23 people. DHS is concerned these same drivers to violence will remain through early 2021…

Lawmakers have continued to face threats since Biden’s inauguration, mainly posted online and including plots to attack Congressional members during travel to and from the Capitol during the impeachment trial. A group of 32 lawmakers sent a letter to House Speaker Pelosi and Minority Leader McCarthy on Wednesday requesting more flexibility for using their congressional allowances to further secure their district offices. The letter, led by Rep Josh Gottheimer (D-NJ) and Dean Phillips (D-MN), was also signed by Rep. Fred Upton of Michigan, one of the 10 Republicans who voted to impeach Trump a second time.

"Most Members spend the majority of their time in their Congressional Districts where security is often sparse," the lawmakers write. "Protecting Members in their District is much harder because local law enforcement agencies are stretched and limited, and often don’t have sufficient staffing or money to provide regular protection to Members."

• On Friday, acting House Sergeant at Arms Timothy Blodgett advised lawmakers that he created an online portal for House members to make local law enforcement aware of their travel. The Capitol Police will also maintain an increased presence at D.C.-area airports and train stations during times lawmakers travel.

The Defense Department committed approximately 5,000 National Guard troops to remain in D.C. for the foreseeable future. Concurrently, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser has requested 500 D.C. National Guard members remain through March 12 for the upcoming impeachment trial. She asked for the troops to be unarmed but equipped with crowd control measures like shields and batons.

• Numerous states have ordered their state’s contingent of National Guard back from D.C., including those from Florida, Texas, and Utah. Gov. DeSantis (R-FL) and Gov. Greg Abbott (R-TX) complained that the troops were vetted prior to the inauguration, with the former calling it “totally inappropriate” and “disrespectful.”

Security officials are also concerned about potential unrest on or around March 4, which is when QAnon conspiracists believe Trump will be inaugurated again. “We are not going to allow any surprises again,” said one Guard member. Others are questioning why their deployments were extended, complaining about the lack of information and the unusual predicament of guarding the Capitol as military members.
Acting chief of the U.S. Capitol Police Yogananda Pittman testified before the House Appropriations Committee on Tuesday, apologizing for the “failings” that contributed to the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol. She cited miscommunication, a lack of less-than-lethal weapons, and insufficient manpower. Others who testified at the closed-door hearing included acting D.C. police chief Robert J. Contee III, former Army Secretary Ryan McCarthy, D.C. National Guard Maj. Gen. William Walker, and various law enforcement representatives.

• Contee estimated that 850 D.C. police officers were deployed to the Capitol, with 250 assigned to the surrounding area, costing about $8.8 million in the week after the insurrection.
  
• Contee said he was “stunned at the tepid response from Department of the Army, which was reluctant to send the D.C. National Guard to the Capitol” that day.
  
• McCarthy blamed the slow approval of National Guard backup on the lack of intelligence beforehand. “The response time and effectiveness could be greatly improved with a clear, predetermined command and control structure, authorities, rehearsals and integrated plans, and a shared understanding of intelligence assessments of the threat,” McCarthy said.
  
• Acting House sergeant at arms Timothy Blodgett admitted that “there was a failure of preparation,” but strangely boasted that due to the actions of his office and Capitol Police, “every Member and House staff went home without death or serious injury.” Rep. Mike Quigley (D-IL) responded after the hearing, saying in an interview that no dead or maimed lawmakers was “a pretty low bar.”
  

In an interview earlier this week, D.C. National Guard Maj. Gen. William Walker said that Pentagon officials restricted his authority to act autonomously prior to the Jan. 6 attack. The restrictions placed on Walker delayed the arrival of troops to assist Capitol officers. Walker was unable to even call up the 40 soldiers on standby without approval from former Army secretary Ryan McCarthy and former acting defense secretary Christopher C. Miller.

Had he not been restricted, Walker said he could have dispatched members of the D.C. Guard sooner. Asked how quickly troops could have reached the Capitol, which is two miles from the D.C. Guard headquarters at the Armory, Walker said, “With all deliberate speed — I mean, they’re right down the street.”

However, Walker also stated that former Chief of Capitol Police Steven Sund failed to submit a formal request for assistance:

“All he said was, ‘If I call you, will you be able to help?’ ” Walker said. “And I said, ‘Yes, but I need permission. So send a formal request,’ and I never got it, until after the fact.”
The request came, but only at 1:49 p.m. the day of the attempted insurrection. Sund called Walker to say rioters were about to breach the building and the Capitol Police would soon request urgent backup.

“I told him I had to get permission from the secretary of the Army and I would send him all available guardsmen but as soon as I got permission to do so,” Walker said. “I sent a message to the leadership of the Army, letting them know the request that I had received from Chief Sund.”

Extremists involvement

Three members of the Oath Keepers were indicted on a multitude of charges including conspiracy, obstructing an official proceeding, destruction of government property, and unlawful entry on restricted building or grounds. The DOJ’s case is the first evidence of planning among a militia group ahead of the Jan. 6 attack to be filed in court.
Jessica Watkins, 38 from Ohio, Donovan Ray Crowl, 50 from Ohio, and Thomas Caldwell, 65 from Virginia, allegedly began soliciting recruits and coordinating the invasion of the Capitol in November. All three are former military. Caldwell, a retired Navy lieutenant commander, acted as a leader of the operation and organized most of the logistics involved in training and bussing dozens of recruits to D.C. According to the indictment, he recommended a particular hotel because it offered a good base to “hunt at night.”

In a 15-page indictment unsealed Wednesday, prosecutors revealed new allegations, accusing Watkins of contacting recruits on Nov. 9, six days after the election, for a “Basic Training” camp outside Columbus, Ohio, in early January so they would be “fighting fit by innaugeration [sic].” ...Crowl, a former Marine mechanic, attended a training camp in December in North Carolina, while Caldwell hosted Watkins in Northern Virginia

During the insurrection, the three joined other Oath Keepers in communicating on the walkie-talkie app Zello. The FBI obtained recordings of some of the transmissions, such as Watkins stating, “We have a good group. We have about 30-40 of us. We are sticking together and sticking to the plan.”

Watkins posted photos of herself, and with Crowl, on her Parler account and captioned a photo by stating, “Me before forcing entry into the Capitol Building. #stopthesteal2 #stormthecapitol #oathkeepers #ohiomilitia.” Subsequently, she posted a video of herself inside the Capitol captioned, “Yeah. We stormed the Capitol today. Teargassed, the whole, 9. Pushed our way into the Rotunda. Made it into the Senate even. The news is lying (even Fox) about the Historical Events we created today.”

• A New York Times investigation has visually located ten other Oath Keepers who accompanied Crowl and Watkins into the Capitol building on Jan. 6. The group can be seen on video from the day marching up the stairs in a military-esque line. Furthermore, following the insurrection, all ten “gathered around the Oath Keepers’ leader, Stewart Rhodes, just 70 feet from the building.”

The Justice Department also indicted two Proud Boys members with conspiracy to interfere with law enforcement, civil disorder, unlawfully entering restricted buildings, and disorderly conduct. Unlike his co-defendant William Pepe (31 y.o. From NY), Dominic Pezzola (43 y.o. From NY) faces a slew of other charges including robbery of personal property of the United States, assaulting or resisting officers, destruction of government property, and physical violence.

It is alleged that Pezzola and Pepe took...actions to remove temporary metal barricades erected by the Capitol Police for the purpose of controlling access to the Capitol Grounds... It is further alleged that Pezzola confronted a Capitol Police officer attempting to control the crowd and ripped away the officer’s riot shield, while the officer was physically engaging with individuals who had gathered unlawfully in the west plaza of the Capitol. Pezzola can be seen on video that has been widely distributed, using that riot shield to smash a window at the U.S. Capitol.

After locating and arresting Pezzola, FBI agents searched his home. They found a thumb drive containing “detailed instructions for making homemade firearms, poisons, and/or explosives.” Prosecutors are asking the court to keep Pezzola in detention until trial, citing his “willingness to attempt to go off the grid” and the “serious danger” he poses to the community.

• According to an analysis by CNN, at least eight rioters charged so far are affiliated with the Proud Boys. It is likely more will be charged as investigations develop.
  
• Wall Street Journal Video Investigation: Proud Boys Were Key Instigators in Capitol Riot (not paywalled)
  

Republican connections

Republican members of Congress have their own links to extremist groups who took part in the insurrection.
According to the New York Times, Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ) visited a chapter of the Oath Keepers “a few years” ago and told the group that we’re already in the midst of a civil war, “we just haven’t started shooting at each other yet.” The leader of Stop the Steal claimed Gosar and fellow Arizona Republican Rep. Andy Biggs helped plan and organize Trump’s Jan. 6 rally. Both Gosar and Biggs reportedly sought pardons for their roles in the insurrection from Trump but did not receive them.
Freshman Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) has a history of associating with the Three Percenters, which also had members present in the Capitol on Jan. 6. One of those charged last week, Robert Gieswein, runs a paramilitary training group in Boebert’s home state.

Before the attack, Gieswein gave a media interview in which he echoed anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, the affidavit said, and said his message to Congress was “that they need to get the corrupt politicians out of office. Pelosi, the Clintons . . . every single one of them, Biden, Kamala.”

Another Three Percenter from Texas, Guy Reffitt, was arrested for his part in storming the Capitol - after he allegedly threatened to shoot his children if they turned him in. “If you turn me in, you’re a traitor and you know what happens to traitors … traitors get shot,” his wife recounted to FBI agents.
In December 2019, Boebert posed with members of the Three Percenters in front of the Colorado state Capitol. The year before, Gieswein himself posed in front of Boebert’s Shooters Grill holding a rifle with others flashing the Three Percenters hand gesture. A Colorado chapter of the extremist group even provided security for a campaign event in July 2020, claiming her campaign invited them.
Following the assault on the Michigan capitol by in 2020, Boebert was asked about her thoughts on citizens carrying guns while protesting government actions:

Reporter: Gun-toting militia members in Michigan just stormed the state capitol (on April 30) and unsuccessfully demanded access to the floor of the legislature. Some lawmakers said they were intimidated by the show of firepower. Was that appropriate?

In a preview of events to come, Boebert replied “I don’t see why they’re not allowed to” enter a “public building like that with a firearm.”
More recently, Boebert and other Republicans have made a spectacle over the newly-installed metal detectors to enter the House floor. Some House Republicans threw temper tantrums and berated the very Capitol Police officers who had protected them during the insurrection just days earlier.

“Horse shit!” shouted Rep. Rodney Davis (R-Ill.). “Bullshit!”
“You are creating a problem you do not understand the ramifications of!” Rep. Steve Womack (R-Ark.) warned Capitol Police officers.
“You can’t stop me, I’m on my way to a vote,” said Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), walking around the magnetometer outside the House chamber.
Rep. Russ Fulcher (R-Idaho) just pushed his way through. He went through the metal detector and set it off, shoved an officer out of his way and walked into the House.

Huffington Post’s Matt Fuller made note of the lawmakers who disregarded the new security measures: Reps. Randy Weber (Texas), Richard Hudson (N.C.), Ralph Norman (S.C.), Scott Perry (Pa.), Jeff Duncan (S.C.), Bob Gibbs (Ohio), Bob Latta (Ohio), Garret Graves (La.), Markwayne Mullin (Okla.), Virginia Foxx (N.C.), Paul Gosar (Ariz.), Bill Huizenga (Mich.), Alex Mooney (W.Va.), Larry Bucshon (Ind.), Debbie Lesko (Ariz.), and Rep. Lauren Boebert (Colo.).
Boebert went a step farther than others, engineering a standoff with guards asking to check her handbag for weapons before entering the building. It is not clear if her bag was ultimately searched but she was allowed entry. She later tweeted: “I am legally permitted to carry my firearm in Washington, D.C., and within the Capitol complex. Metal detectors outside of the House would not have stopped the violence we saw last week — it’s just another political stunt by Speaker (Nancy) Pelosi.”
Following the Republican insubordination, Speaker Pelosi instituted a new rule to impose fines - $5,000 fine for a first offense and $10,000 fine for a second - on lawmakers who refuse to pass through the metal detectors.
While firearms are banned on the House floor, a 1967 regulation exempts members of Congress from a federal law prohibiting guns on the Capitol grounds. Boebert has vociferously objected to the House rule, declaring two days before the insurrection that she “will carry [her] firearm in D.C. and in Congress” to stand up for Second Amendment rights.
It is not known if she ever followed through with carrying a gun onto the House floor in violation of the rules. We do know, however, that at least one Republican member implied he was armed on the floor and at least one attempted to bring a gun through the metal detectors.
Freshman Rep. Madison Cawthorne (R-NC) told a local news outlet that he “was armed” during the insurrection while on the House floor. Hours earlier, Cawthorne spoke to the crowd that rioted in support of Donald Trump: "My friends, I encourage you, continue to make your voice heard, because, do we love Donald Trump?" Cawthorn said.
During the second day of metal detectors in the House, Rep. Andy Harris (R-MD) set off the alarms while trying to enter with a concealed gun on his side. Capitol Police did not permit him entry, so Harris tried to persuade fellow Republica Rep. John Katko of New York to take the gun from him. Katko refused, telling Harris he didn’t have a license to carry a gun. Ultimately, Harris left and returned to successfully pass through the detectors.

• The Capitol Police are investigating the incident. Additionally, government watchdog The Campaign for Accountability requested a federal investigation into whether Harris broke the law by possessing a weapon not registered in D.C. A spokesperson for Harris said the congressman has a Maryland handgun permit, but did not say if he has registered a gun in D.C.

On Thursday, Rep. Jared Huffman (D-CA) and Rep. Jackie Speier (D-CA) filed legislation to ban members from carrying guns on Capitol grounds, even in their offices. Speier said the No Congressional Gun Loophole Act is necessary because “the existing exemption for Representatives increases the risk of gun violence for Members, staff, and the public.”

Marjorie Taylor Greene

And now we get to freshman Rep. Majorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), who really could take up an entire post. I’ll keep each point short and provide links for further information.
Rep. Cori Bush (D-MO) announced that she is moving her office after a heated altercation with Marjorie Taylor Greene (hereafter referred to as “MTG”) apparently sparked by the latter’s refusal to wear a mask in the Capitol. "A maskless Marjorie Taylor Greene & her staff berated me in a hallway. She targeted me & others on social media. I'm moving my office away from hers for my team's safety" Bush tweeted Friday.

Bush: "I moved my office because I'm here to do a job for the people of St. Louis. They deserve that. And what I cannot do is continue to look over my shoulder wondering if a white supremacist in Congress by the name of Marjorie Taylor Greene or anyone else, cause there are others, that they are doing something or conspiring against us."

In videos published during her campaign - but recorded in years prior - MTG espouses a multitude of racist ideas:

[She] suggested that Muslims do not belong in government; thinks black people “are held slaves to the Democratic Party”; called George Soros, a Jewish Democratic megadonor, a Nazi; and said she would feel “proud” to see a Confederate monument if she were black because it symbolizes progress made since the Civil War.

In 2019, MTG promoted a conspiracy theory that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had been replaced by a body double in public - part of a QAnon conspiracy that RBG was secretly/dead or incapacitated.
In social media posts from 2018 and 2019, MTG interacted with others calling for the deaths of prominent Democrats, including Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. In Jan. 2019, she liked a Facebook comment that said "a bullet to the head would be quicker" to remove House Speaker Pelosi from office.
MTG wrote on Facebook that the Camp Fire - California’s deadliest and most destructive wildfire - was caused by “lasers” from “space solar generators” run by the Rothschilds.
In 2018, MTG endorsed a deranged conspiracy from the fringes of QAnon that Hillary Clinton murdered a child during a satanic ritual.
MTG called both the Parkland School shooting and Sandy Hook massacre “false flag” operations intended to tighten gun control. She later went on to attack Parkland survivor David Hogg, calling him a coward.
Within a month of the first Q post on 4chan in 2017, MTG began posting videos calling him a “patriot” and publishing articles endorsing the conspiracy.
In 2017, MTG wrote an article and posted a video explaining that she believed the Las Vegas mass shooting was a government-orchestrated plan to strip away Second Amendment rights.

I work in an insurance call center handling complex technical calls and taking escalated calls. Most of my calls are ho-hum technical calls. I handle escalations about billing and underwriting, which are usually a variation of "how dare you tell me that you won't insure me for free." I work swing shift, so I handle more than just the Garden Variety Crazy or Demanding Karen. I handle the ones who are willing to call an insurance company at 2 a.m. to yell at someone.
I'm alternating my reading between a book about Vladimir Putin and news about the U.S. Capitol being stormed when my headset beeps. It's a rep from our online team. He's had to escalate a chat up to me because the customer will not accept the answer he's been giving for the last half hour. In writing, no less. She has also made some changes to the policy while online with my rep, including deleting a driver.
When an online rep escalates to yours truly, it entails the online rep calling out to the customer first. This particular online rep is a perfectly lovely individual with a distinctive accent. Apparently, the accent got under the customer's skin to the point where she used racial epithets on him repeatedly.
Upon introducing myself, Karen Klux Klan asks me where I am physically located exactly. Her emphasis on the word exactly is so snotty and condescending that I am tempted to provide her with the latitudinal and longitudinal coordinates just to fuck with her head. But she's not worth the time, so I give her only my state.
Karen Klux Klan proceeds to then tell me that because we're withdrawing $300 a month from her checking account when she only agreed to $70 a month, we're committing fraud and she wants $1200 back. She then says that because she worked as a court reporter in her state, she knows all about how the law works. I note that her current policy term has been active for a little over four months. We had sent out a renewal offer back in the middle of July. The policy renewed in late August. The renewal offer included a payment schedule for $300 a month, starting with the renewal date. Along with a billing schedule was a summary of what changes had been applied, including changes to her spawn's rating status. She has enrolled in online documents for everything, so I refer her to her emails.
Her response: "Oh, I got the emails, but they weren't urgent enough for me to read. You guys need to tell me when something's urgent so I'll pay attention to it. And I didn't give you c*******ers permission to change my kid's status, so you did something that you weren't supposed to do."
Me: "We're only obligated to send out the renewal offer to the address you've provided. Verification of your reading of those notices is not incumbent upon us per the Department of Insurance. And by making your initial down payment with us back on XX/YY/ZZZZ, you agreed to terms and conditions we've outlined in our policy contract. We're merely enforcing the contract terms upon which you've agreed."
Karen Klux Klan: "Well, that's unethical, and we're in the middle of a pandemic. I told your n***er sales person not to put Kevin Klux Klan on my policy because I can't afford the insurance for him. Your salesman forced me to add Kevin because he lives in my household and drives my vehicle now that he has a drivers license."
Me (noting that Kevin was just deleted off of the policy): "I'm sorry you feel that adherence to a contract is unethical. Also, I will ask you to keep this call professional or we will discontinue this conversation. Now, does Kevin still operate your vehicle or live in your household?"
Karen Klux Klan: "Yes, but I don't want him on my policy because I don't want to pay $300 a month for insurance. I should only be paying $70 per month. And are you going to be giving me $1200 back or what?"
Me (malevolently smiling): "Kevin Klux Klan needs to be added back onto your policy as a rated driver, then. Should you choose not to have me add him onto your policy, I will be referring this policy to our underwriting department, who will add him on for you. Furthermore, as you've admitted on a recorded line that you received the email, we will not be accommodating any request to refund you that money, as there was no error made."
Karen Klux Klan then calls me a c**t and tells me how I'm horrible at my job. I tell her I'm sorry she feels that way, but she has a choice to make. She hangs up on me after calling me a "F***ING STUPID B***H" at the top of her lungs.
Right as I'm documenting how unhinged Karen Klux Klan is and submitting an underwriting review, my boss messages me. It's a string of three emojis: Big eyes, whew, big eyes again. Then the question: "Are you okay? That was rough."
My response: "I've been called worse by better, but can this call get me something like hazard pay?"
Boss: "Well, funny you should mention that, because I'm messaging you to go over raise information. Call me on our conference line."
Turns out boss wanted to tell me that he put me in for the max percentage bump this year. He was doing silent monitoring because he was completing the annual reviews for said raise. His words: "You've definitely earned it."
The job can be tedious, but it's that much better when you have a boss who recognizes how hard you work and that you're good at your job.

The exam was more difficult because of wording than any practice software. What amazes me about the exam is you can know the material and not pass. This may be true for anything, but is especially true about this exam because of the way it's worded .

1. "Think like a manager?" While this is true, I had at least 50 questions on the exam where NOT thinking like a manager was necessary. Clearly ISC(2) are reading these forums and watching youtube videos ,attempting to improve the exam likely monthly. So, "think like a manager" is often true, but there were several times where the questions required absolute technical knowledge and most importantly "beak/fix" solutions. at least 25 that I recall. I searched for "think like a manager" answers and they simply were not there for those questions. All 4 choices were technical.

Conclusion: "Think like a LAWYER with a technical background" is FAR more appropriate advice. Larry Greenblatt stated this in so many words and he was right. You must think like a lawyer more often than manager and yes, there were absolutely questions where FIXING THE PROBLEM was the correct answer. How do I know this? Because again, the 4 choices were technical in nature/NOT managerial.
2) you have to read the questions and answers twice in most cases, but not all. I cannot tell you how many times I had the right answer the first time, only to change it, then ponder, then change it back. There are in fact 10 straight-forward questions on the exam and these should be answered without thought. I cannot cite examples specifically, but there were at least 5-10 questions that were quite straight forward.
3) my exam had zero math (ALE etc), but I had to know the ALE/SLE/ARO formulas, meanings because these were choices to answer real world scenario problems. No calculations for me were required. They provide a white board and sharpie. I did not use it. The terminal has an electronic calculator as well. I did not use it.
4) I wore ear muffs. I believe this saved me. The testing site provided lawn mower ear protection. I did not know this, but immediately put them on and I feel this saved me for concentrating. do NOT underestimate the level of concentration you will need. There was in fact noise in the room a few times even WITH the hearing protection. That caught me off-guard because the test center emphasized quiet, but I heard people talking several times. Plus, there was construction in the adjacent suite, which was incredible to me. I heard drills etc. while in the waiting area. I am questioning in my mind, "would I have passed this exam without the ear protection?" I am not sure. The isolation made me completely focus on the exam. I could hear my heart beating/racing as well.
5) You can laugh, but practice your questions at home wearing a mask for COVID-19. Years from now, one might read this and laugh. My reading glasses fogged up and the mask got annoying after an hour, trust me. Get used to sitting wearing a mask if you're not already wearing it for your daily work.
6) Sleep the night before. I did not. I was wide awake at midnight, 2 am, 3 am, and finally just gave in and read practice questions. I arrived at the test center absolutely horrified, half asleep, and drinking cold coffee in my vehicle outside. What saved me was listening to Greenblatt's Exam Tips video. I also had watched Cybrary's video on "Think like a manager." You need to think like a lawyer. or a CTO. Not a manager in my opinion. If you happen to report to a CTO, then I guess you can think like YOUR manager.
7) Schedule a test date. Without that, you will NOT have the motivation to study likely. A deadline is absolutely vital to learning the material. Common sense I know.
8) I studied 2-4 hours on weeknights for several months, and SAT and SUN for 6-10 hours for 6 weeks before the exam.
9) What did I study?
--Boson practice questions over and over, but guess what? I read every answer and challenged myself to say why the incorrect answers were incorrect 1x1. So, doing 50 questions often took me 4 hours. Boson's explanations were like reading a study guide, for me. Boson won't work on a mobile device. I wish they would introduce a mobile app! Whomever writes the Boson material did an excellent job. FYI I was told Kaplan is similar, but do not know.
Boson is absolutely amazing because you can tailor your own quiz and plug in a keyword. That was AMAZINGLY helpful to me. I plugged in "Annual Loss" and its engine brought up every question/answer containing ALE questions, some of which were challenging. "Biba" "SOC" "SDLC" etc, etc, etc.. when you get 10-50 questions in a row for the same subject matter, you learn the material. I cannot emphasize enough how this helped me. I did all the questions at least once, but focused more on the answer explanations which are amazingly written. Each answer is explained as to what it is, why it's correct/incorrect and it's brilliantly written. I was scoring 75-85 on all BOSON scores, but did not care. Boson drills deeply, but it shines when it explains answers. I also would ask, "when would this incorrect answer be correct????" and in my mind created new questions tailored against the other answers. This took hours but was worthwhile.
--ISC Pocket prep for mobile--CISSP exam module. I cannot say enough positive things about this app. It's VASTLY under estimated in its importance. Whether in bathroom, coffee shops, or in bed, I did question after question after question. Sometimes, new questions would magically appear as well. I flagged ones that were challenging and that helped. I took "flagged/missed" questions nightly, then added 20-30 more from the entire pool. These questions helped me learn the material and ingrain the integrity models, etc. I do not know why more people don't talk about the pocket prep. I did all 800 questions but again, new questions appeared from time to time. at least twice I did all 800 repeatedly over time until I had things memorized. They claim you should not memorize things for CISSP, but you HAVE to memorize much of the material. Same thing as Boson--I created mental questions against which the incorrect answers at hand would be correct for my new question. Many people are critical of this app, claiming it is not in-depth enough. This may be true, but there is no single study tool that covers all CISSP questions.
--11th Hour. I read it. I did the questions in it, 5 per chapter. This gave a great overview at a high level and is very well written, despite some typos (it happens).
--I tried to read the study guide from Sybex 8th Edition and just could not concentrate. I read the Boson and Pocket prep answer explanations instead.
--I registered my printed copy of Sybex Eighth Edition Practice Questions online and did all the practice questions in quantities of 20. When I'd accumulate 20 questions that I answered incorrectly, I made that a test in and of itself. I took all those questions collectively at least twice. 1,300 questions. One time I did 150 questions, seriously, and the site logged me out(!) and that was at question #143! So, that's why I was more careful and took 20-40 questions at a time thereafter. Imagine losing your score after 143 questions--I was frustrated!!
--I watched every YouTube video I could find. The ones that stood out where Mind Map, which does not get enough credit. This links the material together well. Larry Greenblatt's videos on exam verbiage helped a lot. Kelly from Cybrary was amazing. The IT Dojo videos actually diminished my confidence because they were at times far too technical. The guy on there is amazing and brilliant, but I stopped watch those videos because I told myself I did not have time to get into the weeds at his his level. He's brilliant. so, MindMap, Greenblatt, Kelly from cybrary. Another guy did a video on what to wear, bring, and the training center logistics. That was helpful.
--I signed up/joined Luke Ahmed's Facebook page and looking at people's questions helped me. Joining their conversations helped. I even asked a few questions myself about FRFAR and so on. it was great to bounce off ideas and questions with fellow study people. I bought Luke's book as a favor because I felt bad using his free Facebook site. His book actually helped, but only contains 25 questions. I read it through once and it helped--it's very cheap and short.
Comparitech's summary cheat sheets helped too. I pulled those up 1x1 the night before the exam. Great overview! Google this and you will find their summary PDF sheets. They are more clear than Sunflower, at least for me.
10) Wear something comfortable. You cannot bring any watches, jewelry, keys, not even a handkerchief into the test area. They check your pockets, socks, coin pockets, hair etc.. they looked over my glasses and I sanitized my hands at least 30 times while there at their request.
I brought a passport and driver license. You have a vascular scan (palm vein scan) 3x per hand out front, then they check it again in back, hand sanitizer between each scan! Obviously this varies by region. I am being told there will likely be remote-from-home testing allowed soon. I think for me that would be too distracting.
When you take the test, you have two things with you beside the clothes on your back. Your driver license and your locker key. Place those on the desk to your left or right and forget about them during the test.
The room was warm, for me. I wore a short sleeve shirt, jeans, socks, tennis shoes. Yes, they checked my ankles and made me frisk myself. That was fine by me.
11) do not panic during the test. I did. Once I hit question 80 and realized I had maybe an hour remaining, I panicked. I told myself "you've got this. you did not study all this time to let this go down the drain." I got angry. I motivated myself to say, "don't let them get the best of you." if getting mad motivates you, then get mad. Whatever it takes, within reason, do it. whether it is a superstition or whatever the case is, do it. akin to a hockey player that has a ritual before a game. Do it. Get mad, get motivated. I asked for strength, admitting how petty I was being when people are starving.
when I hit question 101, I panicked again.. "oh crap, I did not pass the exam at 100 questions. What did I get wrong? How long is this going to be???????"
I kept going. I had the same thought at 130, 135 ,136, 140, by 149 I was absolutely panicked beyond belief. At 150, with 1.5 minutes remaining, I submitted my final answer. At that point I was shattered. I acknowledged the test was done and clicked a button formally closing the test electronically. "How am I going to face my boss.. what do I tell my spouse?? the schedule for exams is so booked now............. it's going to take months to reschedule my 2nd attempt and I have to keep studying!!!!??? what am I going to do??" ( I had, several times, tired to make adjust my CISSP test date to an EARLIER date, and saw dates were not available for months and months--I was fortunate to have even gotten the date I did because of center limited capacity--Covid-19).
I was firmly convinced because I hit #150 that I 'd not passed the exam. FIRMLY. I told the test center lady, "there's no way I passed this one. I hit question 150..." her reply was, "not necessarily true, there are people that ALWAYS get 150 no matter what. please go to the lobby and get your belongings from the locker." I did just that. I went to the locker.
FYI you do not get your test results until you walk out, get your stuff from the locker, then go back to the desk out front. In the lobby I mean--this is the same with COMPTIA tests etc. The lady, out front, not the lady from the testing area, gave me a sheet face down. I slowly took it and was nervous. I turned it over and first saw the word, "congratulations...." I did a double take. I then even put on my glasses to actually read it and make sure it was correct--"Can this be right?" I asked her, "is this real? it's my picture.. " I knew I had completed many questions knowingly, but there were so many others where I simply picked 1 of the 3-4 "best" correct answers.
She laughed and said, "yes, that is you, you passed."
I teared up. Adrenaline. All that studying.. all that anger during the test, the panic, the questions where I was not all sure I had a clue.. all morphed into a single moment. I told her I could hug her. She got up to hug me, no joke. it was a profound moment in my life to pass this exam. I thought because I had "all 150" questions I did not pass.
Everyone at my work bragged about passing at question 105, 100, 110.. their exam ended at those quantities of questions. This lobby lady again explained what the other person had, that there are many people that get ALL 150. I do not know why I got 150. What matters is I passed. so, do NOT listen to people touting the exam ending "early." You cannot be concerned with this potential or variable. It really caused me a lot of anxiety and it was pointless (my fault admittedly).
There were numerous questions where I was partially certain I had the right answer. And others where I knew I was correct, but those were 20 or less questions. I am not trying to scare anyone. I am saying what people say is true: some questions have 2-4 "correct" answers. You must choose the best one, or perhaps an answer that comprises the other correct choices. It's common sense in some cases, but not others. "Is this one of those 25 that don't count?" etc. I'd ask. 25 exam questions do NOT count against your score and I presume all 25 are in the 1-100 question range. These are valid questions being tested for future exam inclusion, I am told (again, they don't count against your score but you won't know which these are).
12) There were several questions where I had the right answer in my mind but the selection was not available on the test. This means they (ISC) substituted common CISSP terminology for "street terminology." I chose the street term which was most like the CISSP term (and still wasn't sure). This happened at least 5-10 times out of 150 questions. an example of this might be "...make sure a user value is valid.." "What do they mean by this," I asked? who is the user? a Customer? What value are they inputting... ahah!!! I just said the word, "input!!" INPUT. I know what they are asking, now. I chose the answer that was most like "input validation." I am making this as an example. I cannot even recall specifics, but it happened.
13) the exam is unlike any practice questions. I am not kidding. There were times I read a question 4x and I could not understand exactly what was being asked. I re wrote those questions in my mind and sifted out the unnecessary items in my mind. That helped. Other times, I had to look at the answer selections to ascertain what was being asked. None of the practice questions are like this, not even Boson--yet the questions are still often "high level" in nature. Many times 3 answers were correct. Sometimes, all 4 were correct. "most right," "least likely" etc. I think there were a few questions that asked "which is not the least likely to..." Re word those phrases into "Which IS MOST LIKELY to....." common sense, but in the middle an exam, it can be tough to talk like this silently. Talk the questions through in your head. Remove "that" and other unnecessary words. When the test reads, "A person in charge of" mentally say "manager," and so on. Substitute words in your mind to which you can relate, aloud within your head. I feel the practice questions train your mind to rewrite questions quietly, mentally.
14) the exam is a test of endurance, street smarts, and while you must know the material well, I feel you must be able to adapt to the exam's terminology. I get the impressions doctors and lawyers write this exam--NOT managers (I am told it's actually CISSP-endorsed members that write the questions, but we'll never fully know). perhaps Compliance writers construct the exam, but I actually got a medical vibe from the exam in terms of how scenarios were presented. You cannot worry about this beforehand. You simply have to be somewhat solid in the technical material in order to adapt that knowledge to the exam questions at hand.
This is the brilliance of this exam. It would not be worthwhile were it easy. Remember this. Plus knowledge is the reward. I said this numerous times as I panicked before/during the exam--"knowledge is the reward."
15) this exam will ensure you relate technical items to non-technical people and vice versa. This point goes largely unnoticed and unreported. it's the real purpose of the exam, to me. They know you've studied. Now, they want to know if YOU can relate the material not only to the "best" answer, but to perhaps executive management at a company. Can you decode information to get the real story? Can you present these concepts to multiple audiences and be relatable? That's why the exam exists, to me, besides learning the material.
I wish everyone well that read through my long post. I cannot emphasize enough how you can be your own worst enemy mentally, or I can, and there were several times during the exam where I was overcome with emotion and just fretting. It did not help me to be like that. At one point, I thought I was going to pass out, not kidding. This takes a physical toll while you're seated. It's needless.
Just remember no one dies. You're not a doctor performing a medical procedure. You can take the exam again, but why would you want to do such a thing? Let that be your motivation during the exam to patiently read the questions over and over. I read every question twice, and most answers twice. I talked to people that failed the exam and are re-taking it again. They are actually some of the best people in their fields, not kidding. Focus on each question 1x1 of course. But again, I started to watch the clock and picked up my pace around question 80.
Also, pick an answer immediately, while you read them all too. This means you suspect a choice is right.. but you go downward to read them all. There were times this helped me immensely. If B appeared correct right away, but A did not, I clicked on B and continued down to C, then D. Until you click NEXT you can change your answer at will. More often than not, I believe my first choice was correct, but there were times I changed my first selection. At least choose something via elimination process as you commence, then finalize the review of answers. Clicking a choice keeps you physically engaged. There were times I went back to the question and individually weighed each answer against the question asking, "What is being requested--a process? a person? a fix?" I deliberated but I still always selected an answer beforehand WITHOUT clicking next. "ok, here's what you chose.. does this suffice and accommodate the question.. no? .. Yes? what else is better?"
by clicking an answer immediately, I created a baseline that could change within each question. If the question was straight forward, I did not deliberate. I selected my choice and moved on--I especially had to do this after 120 questions, as time was running out. Some questions took 10 minutes. Others took 10 seconds (those were scarce).
Electronically sign the NDA IMMEDIATELY. If you do not sign within 5 minutes, you forfeit the test/fee. Sit down, read it over, sign it. Click next. There was a screen that read, "you are about to begin the test. Click _____ to begin." I did. and the clock in right corner started.
If you must get up, raise your hand before doing so. Do not exit your desk at any time for any reason without raising your hand. They will come and get you (at my exam's end I gave up after having my hand raised for 2+minutes--I literally walked to the door and the lady did not like that--I told her I had raised my hand and she was maybe engrossed in her work and did not notice--I was nothing but cordial, but admitted to her I sat there with my hand raised in the room. She said I should have knocked on the wall, but I told her I did not want to disturb people in the room by knocking and she agreed that would be bad-- and she laughed--she made me walk back in the room, checked the terminal and saw I had indeed closed the test. When you complete the test, you of course click a button acknowledging you have completed the test. You cannot go back and change answers/re-read questions at any time, but they obviously want test takers to "complete" the test (at end) electronically for security purposes. I apologized again for walking and reiterated why I had walked.
I cannot think of anything else. Just study. You can do this. There is no magical solution other than to drill this material into your head. It takes time and many people will have different methods. I did watch a few Cybrary videos as my work paid for them, but frankly, those were less effective than Boson/Pocket prep/sybex online questions/YouTube/11th Hour. I could not concentrate reading the 8th Edition, as stated above. You can in fact make any method of study last a year if you weigh every single answer and create new mental questions against each answer.
Thanks for reading. Sorry I went on and on. I wish you all well and will tell you this exam is passable. You just have to think like a lawyer or CTO, but you must know how to fix problems too. It's not one vs the other. I've worked in telecommunications (LEC/internet/voice/video/SIP/ATM/MPLS/cloud/co-lo data center sales, business analyst, sales engineering) for 20 years. Security for 5 years overall. I have Network+, SIP SSCA, and loads of hands-on Avaya, SONUS, Lucent 5E, wiring experience, data center generator training as well.
I also had unplanned outpatient surgery on nose a few weeks before exam (MOHS). That was a pain because I had to wear bandages and get stitches etc. It all came together and worked out well, but looking back it was amazingly busy and hectic.
--Alex
​
P.S. Throttling. The test undoubtedly adaptively throttles up and down to accommodate your knowledge. I could see easy questions, then hard questions, then harder questions. Some were long, others were very short. I am betting there is a repository of 50,000+ questions and they cycle through these by user. There is no way two users will get the same exam twice, etc. I even got paranoid... "why am I getting another SDLC question??? Does this mean I got that other SDLC one wrong 10 questions back????" You cannot afford to think like that. I have talked to enough people that get loads of BCP questions and zero SDLC, or Risk TCO, etc, to realize the exam likely randomly targets subject matters. There likely is no pattern all the time, but the exam is trying to adapt to your knowledge (neural). It was like a roller coaster but you just focus 1x1 and try not to think about it. One blessing is once you submit an answer, you cannot go back. In some weird way, that presents a finality. Otherwise, with the way this exam is worded, you may go back , etc and run out of time. It is an absolute blessing you can't go back. I have talked to people whom completed the 6-hour test with a pen/paper in past and have re-taken the new format. The consensus from them is the new questions/adaptive are "harder" much "more grey" despite being lower in quantity.
While one should be proud of passing the CISSP, I don't think anyone should gloat. I was (and am) very careful to be humble, especially at the training center in the parking lot where I saw people looking dejected (I am not sure what exams they'd taken, but still understand the emotional roller coaster tests can present).
I still have much to learn, but cannot deny I worked very hard studying for this exam. I will reiterate some of the top Security persons I know, with decades of experience, struggled with the exam and did not pass on first attempts. Those people are in high level engineering, management, SIEM support, and executive roles. What I adore about those people is they are transparent enough to share their honest experiences about why they think they did not pass, and how they passed on further attempts. they helped me. I also talked to several people that found the exam quite easy and those people were shocked others have so many issues. I find these people to be sincere, not conceited, but more "mechanical" in nature in terms of being able to write processes, policies, conduct independent audits, develop BCPs, and so on. Those groups did not struggle with this exam, but admitted it was a grueling exam experience and they too studied, just did not stress perhaps. One such person is a professional aircraft mechanic and he, for his current living, reads manuals while repairing planes for corporate and private flights--he has a Masters in aerospace and years of software development experience atop being an aircraft mechanic--he thought the exam was very straightforward. It's amazing to hear from so many people from so many areas studying and taking this test. I wish everyone well and thank you again for reading this

Things have been busy so, I apologize for the delay. I know lots of you love these stories.
Last Friday night...Yeah, I think we broke the law...Always say we're gonna stop, whoa
Friday, or in the alternative: What part of call me was not clear?
I get to my desk at the usual time and deal with the usual bullshit. I got a SCAR 16s here on consignment because a customer of mine bought them from dealers that were less than reputable and lied about the condition of/country of origin of their merchandise. And they swapped sku's and other bullshit gun dealer things.
Trying to be a nice guy, I can charge the guy to box and ship everything back or roll them at top dollar and give him a big stack of blue stripe benjamins. I tell him I'll try and sell them for him and take my cut off the top so we're both making money. He thinks this is a great idea and manages to line up a buyer on his own. I just need to do the 4473 and cut him a check. No big deal, I don't have a problem doing a little extra work for him versus the standard dealer to customer transfer. The guy he sold it to is a semi regular customer of mine and he comes in, bangs out the 4473 and it's about a 90 minute wait on transaction time.
No big deal. Instead of packing up for the gun show, I'm selling other peoples guns. I'll pack up for the gun show tonight and get everything ready when I get home. I need to be up super early and on the road.
I get everything squared off, customer comes in to get his money and drops off ANOTHER SCAR 16s to sell because the dealer pulled a con job. Okay, I can haul it to the show in the AM. I have a SCAR 16s in FDE from him. I have a 5.7 in FDE on the arm from a buddy of mine and a 509 FDE. I'll make a package deal, FDE FN Friday all FN time. Things are looking up!
I clear off all the 4473's for the week and do an audit and I'm down about 75% inventory wise from last year. Things are tight but stuff is trickling in in drips and drabs. Hit the chickfila on my way home for a sandwich and milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard. I'm done eating and getting ready to leave when I get the call.
ring ring
FC: go for FC
1: Mr Hayden sir, can I ask a favor of you?
FC: What up?
1: Got a guy who wants my scar 16 lined up but he has to pay on a credit card. Can you run it for me? You can take a card and cut me a check?
(It's 7PM on a friday night. I still need to pack for the show. By the time I get back it will be 9PM and I still need to shower and get a decent nights sleep. I'm a glutton for punishment)
FC: If you want to get it done tonight, have the guy call me. I'm eating dinner now and I'll head back if he calls me.
1: roger that, I'll pass along your info right now and let him know.
I do a few more emails from the laptop and say hi to the chickfila owner who was friends with my dad and buys guns from me. We chat for a bit and my phone does not ring. Now, gentle readers - I offered to head back at 730PM on a friday to get something done for someone as a favor to them. That should be worthy of "holy shit you are the man for coming back on your own time!" but this was not the case. No phone call means I didn't head back.
I head home, no phone call. Phone about to die. Plug it in and go into my garage and get all my gun show stuff sorted and loaded and organized. My normal display is 3 tables of merchandise stacked and racked on 2 tables. This show it's 1.5 tables of merchandise stretched out on 2 tables. Not good. My back is killing me. I get some ibuprofen and take a hot shower. Grab my phone off the charger. Bunch of missed calls, one email one VM. I return the VM.
1: Hey you must be having a good dinner at chickfila, we've been waiting here in the parking lot for the last hour!
FC: You have? Well, I didn't get a phone call. I'm home and in pajamas.
1: What? He didn't call you?
FC: Nope
1: HEY! YOU DIDN'T CALL HIM? Oh he says he just figured......
FC: No phone call means no turning around to go back to work. We'll deal with it next week.
1: Okay I'll tell him.
I'm a pretty easy to get along with guy. If you ask me a favor, I'll likely do it if it does not interfere with my life too badly. But if you ask me for a favor and you can't follow simple instructions, well then you're wasting your own time. That's no skin off my hide. Failure to follow simple directions on your part does not warrant my bad back bending over backwards to make it right. I climb into bed, I have to be up at 5AM to tank up at the truck stop, grab breakfast on the run and get to this show on the road.
Saturday, in the park. I think it was the fourth of july. People dancing, people laughing. A man selling ice cream. Singing Italian songs....
Showtime Saturday.
My back is stiffer than I'd like. I get down to the show and get loaded in and everything is set up looking spiffy. Not in my normal spot right by the loading dock, much to my chagrin. There's a line that's 1/4 mile long to get into the building. This shit is looking crazy.
Here's the deal, folks. The 4473 isn't hard. It does require attention to detail. Being in therapy with Dr Kaplan, I've learned a few things.
Old FC: Here's the clipboard, call me when you're done.
New FC: Here's the form, I'm guessing you haven't filled this out before. Start on line 9, read this carefully, 18A and 18B are two separate questions that both require answers, 21 L 2 is tricky, you need to read it ALL THE WAY TO THE END before you answer. Sign on 22, today's date on 23. STOP THERE.
With the new spiel, of the 7 forms I was handed on Saturday before noon - guess how many were filled out correctly? I'll make a break here to talk about the bullshit I had to do.
Show Hustler #1: I had a consignment mossberg built in new haven pre 1968. A guy wants to buy it and he's friends with Ray Dalio. Yes, the Ray Dalio. He tries getting me to knock $100 off but I tell him he's nuts. If he's FRIENDS WITH A BILLIONAIRE and lives in GREENWICH fucking Connecticut, you can pay my very fair asking price of about $350 on it. He relents and I give him a small discount and I give him the clipboard.
Show Hustler #2: I got a guy wanting to trade me a 44 Mag Black Desert Eagle for a Colt 1911 I have on the table. Prices are about the same. I tell him I'm not doing the work of selling two guns for the profit of one gun. He tells me I'm not selling two guns, I'm trading one and selling one. That's selling one gun! I explain two entries in my A/D book means I sell two guns, and it's easier for me to sell a NIB Colt than it is for me to sell a used Desert Eagle. Well the DE isn't used! It's unfired! It's brand new! If I didn't get it from a wholesaler, it's used. He says for me to think about it and he'll be at the show. I tell him I thought about it. He says yeah, ready to do an even trade? I say no, now I want your gun plus $1000. He calls me a clown and walks away.
Show Hustler #3: Over the road truck driver wants the FN 5.7 in FDE I have on consignment. Asks for a truck driver discount. He wants it for $1200. I've got it tagged at $1350. I tell him if he can fill out the form straight, no errors I write it at 1200. If there's an error, I write it for $1350. He says he just bought a brand new freightliner cascadia and money is tight. I tell him well we got a bet or what? He nods, I book the action.
Show Hustler #4: Guy wants my 509C. He wants to trade me for a NIB glock even up. I tell him there's no money to be made and selling a used glock gets me less money. BUT ITS NOT USED! ITS BRAND NEW! We go back and forth 9 times about how new does not mean what he thinks it means. I offer him $350 on his trade as credit knowing that $650 on a used glock in 45ACP is all the money right now. He calls me a cocksucker and walks away.
Okay, so 7 form 4473's with an explanation as to all the problem areas before noon on Saturday.....how many were filled out correctly?
If you answered zero, you are right! That means I won the 4473 bet. The 5.7 goes out at top dollar. Winner winner chicken dinner!
I head home and count my money. I need 9 more shows like this and I might finally be able to retire. On the way home I check web orders. Three guys in arkansas have ordered $900 22LR off my website at $150 a brick. I joke about my stash of 22LR being a brand new F350 platinum but at $150/brick that's rapidly becoming a reality.
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday is day 2 of the show. I stop at a local diner and grab corned beef hash and a short stack of pancakes for breakfast. Want to know how good a diner is? If there's real butter with the pancakes and not that bullshit country crock/margarine spread, you know things will be good.
There's butter. It's good.
A very nice Sig 229 in stainless in 9mm comes by from a guy who did business with me years ago. He traded me a Wilson CQB pistol for a Sig 226 and a Springfield Range Officer even up. I had maybe $1600 into that Wilson, I sold it for $2500 a few months later and tucked the money away. When my brother got married, our fucking gigantic family got together the night before the wedding and had dinner. I told him I'd cover it and he's like "are you sure?" and I said, how bad could it be? Not realizing his wife's family is a bunch of hungry alcoholics from cape cod who have never seen an open bar before and are total gluttons when someone else is buying. As it turns out, $2500 covered about half of the F&B, but he seemed appreciative.
Anyhow.
I sell nothing at the show all day and talk with the other dealers and swap stupid customer stories. I pack and head home and I've sold a good bit of stuff of mine and consignments. As I'm making my way out of the building, the wheel comes off the wagon.
This is not a euphemism. https://imgur.com/a/KY5vLCl
I pay off all my friends for their sales, and in the zelle memo field, I break down the transactions as such:
$69.69 - Anal Hook
$350 - Loch Ness Monster Poster
(whatever the balance was after bullshit, I can't remember) - this is from your real dad
I have lots of fun at this job sometimes.
It's just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. 'Cause that's my fun day.
Monday morning I get an email from the fellow who spent his friday night in the parking lot waiting for me. His email address leads me to believe he spent some time at Parris Island or San Diego, because who else uses semper fi in an email address name? He says he can be in after work at 1645 hours sharp and is just down the road. I tell him I'll get everything squared away for him, and I prep the 4473's on a clipboard and get everything set up.
Cleaning up files from the show, closing out 4473's. Down to 249 items in stock. 150 of them are lowers. This is not good. Must strike while irons are hot though. Gotta shear all the sheep while the wool is ready to harvest and prices are high. I have a bunch of personal ammo that will hit the market one POTUS says something stupid. That's not an if, that's a when.
Bunch of phone calls from people seeking 380 and cheap 9mm. I do my best charles bronson impression. "No dice." The emails accusing me of price gouging are fantastic. There's some other idiocy too. I won't post the whole ones but here's a few snippets from the butthurt and the unprepared as well as the idiotic.

I’m just looking for fmj for target practice. Nothing fancy. If you could do them for $400 a case of 1000 I can talk.

FC: I can get you $400/case on 1000 but it'll be foreign made non brass 9mm ammo.

Pretty much what your saying is no matter how much money I try to spend, you’re continuing your get rich quick prices. People like you are direct part of the problem. It’s one thing to make money and it’s another to try to high way rob people. Hope you’re proud of yourself.

FC: I can assure you that this isn't a get rich quick situation. I spent plenty of money investing in half a million rounds of ammo about FOUR years ago during the Trump slump and I'm just getting around to realizing profits now. I am not getting rich, nor am I doing it quickly. I hardly think that any investment that takes 4 years to realize a gain is quick.
(No response back)
Subject: Used Ruger 10/22
Message: I’ll give you 175 for it.
FC: Deal. Can you come by today?
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come by Tomorrow or Thursday.
(I try calling him. VM box is full)
FC: Great! Lets get it done. Your VM box is full. Tomorrow is better.
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come tomorrow but I only have 150 I can spend at the moment so I’ll probably wait a few days.
FC: What happened to " I’ll give you 175 for it." a few hours ago?
(new message, no subject)
Message: My bad dude. I have a kid I don’t know what to tell you. And I’m pretty sure I said Wednesday or Thursday. If you really want it gone that bad I don’t see what the big deal is.
FC: I was just expecting you to have $175 ready if you said you wanted to deal......So, will Wednesday or Thursday work this week? Bring me cash and your concealed.
(new message, no subject)
Message: No cwl. But you don’t need one for a private sale. I can have your cash.
FC: No CWL no sale.
(new message, no subject)
Message: Yeah I’ll pass. Good luck. You totally should have mentioned that at the start of negotiations.
FC: What part of my ad that said cash and concealed required was unclear?
Yeah. Fucking mondays.
1630 rolls around and our scar loving jarhead walks in. With his wife. And his children. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR little munchkins. All without an ipad and disney + streaming to keep them occupied. They're not bad kids, just curious at all the little things I have lying around like lower parts kits, magazines, AAC 51T mounts, stuff like that.
He hands over his ID. I look at the address. It's a city two and a half hours away.
FC: Uh, you're a long way from home.
USMC: Yeah I just moved. I'm putting my new address on this form if that's okay.
FC: You have anything with your new address on it? I can't do anything with ID that's not current.
USMC: It's not expired, it's current.
FC: Where do you live?
USMC: (names address locally)
FC: Then this is no longer current. I need something with your new local address on it.
USMC: Oh then I'll just use the old address on this form then.
FC: That's not acceptable. I need a current government document with your new address.
USMC: Here, I have activation orders and training orders from the army.
FC: That won't work. Government document with your new address.
USMC: Here's my W2 from the DOD.
FC: That's not a government document.
USMC: But the DOD gave it to me! It's FROM the department of defense, which is the government!
(Editors note: Did I mention that I hate mondays?)
sigh
FC: I can call ATF and ask......
USMC: Please do!
(I phone the ATF area supervisor on his cellular device)
ATF: Mr Hayden, how can I help you today?
FC: Barry, I got a funny one. Guy wants to use his DOD W2/activation orders to get his gun since that has his current address.
ATF: Why? Is there a reason he's unable to get an updated drivers license?
FC: That's a good question Barry, let me find out.
(FC puts ATF on speakerphone)
FC: Hey private first class, ATF wants to know why you didn't update your license
USMC: Uh because I've been busy
ATF: Sir, that's not an answer. I was in the military too and I had to change ID's just like you. If I can had to do it you have to do it.
(Barry was a very long time ago a RIO on the F4 Phantom)
USMC: But I have activation orders! and training orders! and a W2!
ATF: Get your license changed over or produce another document for the licensee to process your transaction.
FC: Thanks barry!
I hang up and tell him that's the area supervisor and I'm playing this one the way he tells me. He needs to produce a document compliant with ATF regulations for me to release this firearm.
USMC: Oh by the way there's a guy with my same name that robbed a bank in Detroit last year, I always get delayed anyways.
(sigh)
I type his stuff into the computer and I get a thumbs up from the computer instantly much to his amazement. I fire off a quick email to the guy who owns the scar
Subject: No current ID
Message: your jarhead friend who wants the scar does not have current ID

No deal? Or what's the plan?

My reply is interrupted. Their oldest child admires the batman dollar on my safe. The youngest child is incessantly clicking a spare pilot G2 pen I had on my desk.
Mother: If you click that pen ONE MORE TIME, you are WALKING HOME.
(kid puts the pen down)
Me, whispering to the kid: It's not that far.
(kid picks the pen back up)
Mother scowls at both of us.
I giggle.
I get back to email.
FC: Lets put it this way. You're gonna owe me for this one. Big time.
His wife starts pulling out auto registrations, USAA insurance cards, cable bills, etc with their new address - NONE of which are useful because none of them are government issued. She updates his and her drivers licenses online at the state website and gives me a voter registration printout confirming the update, but that's not a workable document since it's an informational update and not an actual registration.
Customer that owns the scar walks in and witnesses the flurry of kids playing with gun stuff and two grown ass adults trying to make it all work.
It's been 45 minutes of this.
The guy finally gives up and goes on the state website and gets a fishing license and emails it to me. Stacks a big stack of SCAR magazines that NOBODY has in stock to the order and I charge it onto his USAA mastercard. Had I returned to work on a Friday after hours to get an ID that wasn't current, I would have been apoplectic. Now, I'm just mildly annoyed. I can assure you that anyone who has walked through the hallowed halls of MCRD Parris Island should know to have their shit together. This just seemed like some hybrid of cluelessness more than it was an issue of stolen valor. Gun and mags go out the door.
My customer sits down and starts laughing. I look at him totally nonplussed.
1: That was easy, right?
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: An hour worth of work, for $50! That's good! you should do a few of those a day!
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: Really?
FC: You owe me.
I cut him his check and I'm done for the night. I head home.
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too....
Tuesday
Another day, another box of 9mm at $75 each heading out the door.....I'm down to my last 15,000 rds of 9mm. I sold my entire personal stash of Remington UMC at $67 a box. Now that we're into the Federal American Eagle, it's up to $75. People are thanking me for having it available because they've called everywhere.
This morning's "no I don't have it" calls: 380ACP, 30-40 Krag, 6.5 CM, Grendel and Swede, 2.5" .410 slugs, 3 or 3.5" shells and turkey loads.
Now, for the uninitiated: Turkey season is around the corner. ALL the ammo for turkey loads have been purchased by new shooters looking for home defense ammo since last year. Why turkey loads for self defense? That's all the cabelas had....
Come season, there will be lots of very disappointed hunters who were unprepared. Those with ammo will hunt, those without ammo will hunt for ammo, and they will not be successful given the state of the ammunition markets. There is far more money to be made cranking out buckshot and slugs than there are turkey shells.
Package comes in for transfer. Guy has a NJ license. He's just moved here. Has NOTHING with his new address. This is basically a repeat of Monday's SCAR sale. The guy here is ADAMANT that he's bought a home here and he can purchase a firearm without being a state resident.
He's technically right. HOWEVER this is why dealers hate doing things: The gun and sale have to follow both the laws of the state he's in AND the state of New jersey. Now I have to run down all the bullshit that is NJ published ordnances to ensure that this gun is Phil Murphy(TM) approved. For the price of a transfer. BUT WAIT THERES MORE!
The gun is for a BUDDY of his he's giving it to him as a gift when he's down here for a fishing trip in a few days.
https://imgur.com/0cqL7vX
Read that last line.
Yeah. I tell him that it's unlawful for him to dispose of a firearm to a non resident. He's wondering what the fuck to do. He insists on taking delivery. I tell him I need to run it down with the address and everything since his NJ license isn't technically valid since HE NO LONGER LIVES THERE.
The guy bought a double wide trailer here, the trailer park handles all the water, the power, the etc - he does not have any REAL property here. He's insistent that he has a deed for his house. He's holding a bill of sale for a mobile home.
sigh
I tell him we should just get things sent to his friend via an FFL in his state. The guy lines up an FFL and I fedex the gun to the dealer up there. We need ONE UNIFORM SET OF COHESIVE COMMON SENSE GUN LAWS, not one federal set and 50+ subsections on a state level plus NY State HOME RULE BULLSHIT.
I head home early, telemedicine with Dr Kaplan. He's impressed with my progress. I'm not.
There are no songs that have Wednesday that I can think of here
Wednesday, Hump Day
I decide to work from home today. I can take all the phone calls and tell people no I don't have anything from home. I decide to do some early spring cleaning. It's a BEA-U-TIFUL day. The sun is out, nice weather means I can work in the garage for once. I start a load of laundry. Everything starts off fine. I'm sorting through old shot show HK posters when I can smell burning. There's no smoke but I do smell burning. Am I having a stroke? I can't figure it out and I get a load of laundry processed through my carbon neutral solar powered clothes drying system. I start another batch of laundry and hear a massive grinding noise when I should hear the washing machine washing. That burning smell? That was the timer burning up. And I have a full tub of underwear that needs to get done since I'm nearly out. Fuck.
My dad's old toolbox is in disarray. Mine isn't. I quickly grab a few tools. A snap on general service kit is totally overkill, but it's super nice to have EVERYTHING in one spot ready to go. My 1/4 drive ratchet takes apart my washing machine panel with ease. I unplug the timer and hit the electronic bay for a replacement. I find one 2 hours away and they say they can ship immediately on my fedex account. I can get it here tomorrow if they fedex ground it on todays truck. Deal, here's my amex. Email me tracking when it's sent.
One problem arisen, one problem in progress of being fixed. Not bad for before noon.
I get a bunch of stuff stacked up and straightened up and I throw a ton of stuff on facebook marketplace. Old Glock signs and point of sale merchandise like hanging ceiling mobiles, glock pencils, FN pads, FN hats, Daniel Defense stickers and patches, HK pistol racks, some old Colt and Beretta Blue boxes, all that stuff.
People message me about the Colt box. WHATS IN THE BOX they ask.
Well it's an empty fucking box. I made that VERY clear in the description. So what's my witty rejoinder? A youtube link to the scene from Seven with Brad Pitt yelling at Morgan Freeman "WHATS IN THE BOX? WHATS IN THE BOX?!?!!?!"
They are not amused. I think it's brilliant. They ask me what gun is for sale. I tell them it's just an empty box but if they want a gun, here's my info and call me at work during business hours. I'm then told that people selling empty boxes on facebook aren't selling empty boxes, they're selling guns.
This, I did not know.
Armed with this newfound information, I proceed to post more random stuff from my garage for sale in front of a pile of 20,000 rds of 9mm. An old kegerator and some bar equipment my dad had, a Miller Genuine Draft neon sign backdropped with 5 cases of Winchester Q4170 45ACP and 5 cases of CCI Lawman 147gr 9mm. The messages flood in looking to buy my stuff cheap. But I know what I got.
My favorite interaction:
1: hey man, you got anything else for sale?
FC: Tons of stuff for sale!
1: I'm looking for pews.
FC: I got pews, you want to stop by and check out my pews? I got some real nice ones, super nice. Only used on sunday!
1: Yeah man I'm leaving for lunch in 10 min, give me your address
FC: Sure thing! Here's me, be here in 30 minutes!
I continue to clean up my garage and I pull out some of my dad's old auction finds. Under about 200 old polynesian tiki mugs, I dust off some white oak church pews and pull them into the driveway. The guy tells me he wants to see the pews I got, and I point them out to him in the driveway. White oak, great shape - just needs some lemon pledge and they'll be good as new. He calls me a clown, gets in his car and drives off.
What's wrong with these people?
I return to find 254 facebook marketplace messages for people asking me to sell/ship them guns and ammo to all sorts of places and that facebook has suspended my account for violations of their marketplace terms. The offending item? An old Sig Sauer binder that has a P226 exploded diagram on the front. Because firearm parts are not allowed.
I manage to sell on facebook marketplace an old surefire incandescent rifle light, a blue colt mustang box, a few tin winchester ammo signs, some beer neons that belonged to my dad and some soft pistol rugs that I ordered from RSR on clearance. A productive wednesday. My haul nets me after facebook marketplace fees and shipping about $54 on the shipped items and a few hundred bucks in miscellany. I give my business cards to all the folks looking for gun stuff and they seem surprised that I still have ammo and that they've never heard of me. They do all their ammo and gun shopping online and don't do B&M. That's the way things will be in the future.
I head to the tex mex joint for dinner. I chat it up with a very cute blonde that is the manager. She's just moved into a new place after her man chated on her and she ditched that zero. I offer her my stack of bed bath and beyond coupons.
FC: Starting over is expensive. Maybe this will make it a little bit cheaper.
1: Oh my gosh this will save me a bunch of money! Here, your dinner is on me.
FC: It's been a long time since a woman has bought me dinner. Perhaps I should return that favor. Do you like firefighters?
(she cracks a big smile under the mask)
1: I do, but I'm talking to someone right now.
FC: I can see you ditched the zero, but if it does not work out and you want to get yourself a hero - I'm here pretty often. Just ask and I'll take you to dinner at your favorite place.
I manage to get rejected by a woman at the same time she bought me dinner.
That takes talent. I head home, pop some ibuprofen and head to bed. I check my email in bed. There's a tracking number.
PICKUP OCCOURED AFTER FEDEX CUTOFF FOR TODAY, PACKAGE WILL BE TENDERED THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY
You fucking clowns. You had one job. I call fedex and ask them to hold it at the facility 2 hours away. I'll grab it in the AM. They can't even find it. Fuck it. Leave it. I'll deal with it later.
Thursday, I don't care about you
Thursday, or FC makes a new friend!
I head into work a bit early today, as I'm driving down my street, I round the corner and see an older fellow wheeling his trash to the curb. This guy had a '99 Ford F250 extended cab 4x4 with the venerable 7.3 navistar in MINT condition for sale. 129,000 miles, parked in a garage 10 months out of the year. He wanted $16k for this truck and I figured he got tired of tire kickers and lowballs and kept it. I messaged him 3 days after the post went up and I never followed up, I knew the house since I've literally been driving past it MY ENTIRE LIFE on the way to elementary, middle, high school, college and now work.
My passenger window rolls down as I stop right next to the mailbox.
FC: You still got your F250?
1: No! That thing sold in one hour! To a dealer!
FC: Son of a bitch! I wanted that truck, I didn't even know you were selling!
1: Dealer came over in one hour, took a look at it, put cash on the hood, slapped a dealer tag on it and drove it out of here!
FC: Damn! I wish you put a sign on it and I would have stopped.
1: I told my wife I didn't want to sell it to a dealer but my garage isn't big enough!
FC: No kidding. Say, you still got your T bird?
1: My thunderbird? How'd you know I have a thunderbird?
FC: I grew up here! When I was in grade school I'd ride by and you were wrenching on it, when I was in high school, I'd see you wrenching on it from the bus and when I was in college I'd see you wrenching on it on my way home from class!
1: I spent 20 years building that car 2 weeks at a time! You wanna see it?
FC: Well, when you put it that way....
I pull off into the grass. He's got a detached 3500 square foot garage with Snap On's Mr Big not 1 but 2 ben pearson four post lifts. He shows me his thunderbird he's been working on for two decades. We get to talking. He's a commercial alaskan fisherman and he spends 10 months of the year in alaska and seattle running boats. Super nice guy. He asks me what I do for work, and I tell him. He tells me all his friends are scrambling for ammo and he didn't think it was that bad. I tell him it's been that way for about a year. He needs 00 buckshot, 8 or 9 pellet. I just got a small delivery. I tell him I can get him some. I give him my card and tell him call me this afternoon and I'll throw a few boxes in my briefcase and I'll deliver them on my way home. I'm asked about my watch, he's apparently a GMT man as well. We both like fords and stainless GMT's. Nice. He tells me the story about how he accidentally welded the band to his boat in the bering sea while doing repairs with a stick welder.
FC: What do you catch?
1: Pollock, cod
FC: long line?
1: No, trawler..... You know your commercial fishing.
FC: I know my customers.
Impressed at my substantial seafood knowledge, he tells me he'll call me after he checks his safe. I head into work and get some more stuff done.
I get a call from a referral. This guy was busted for selling pot and spent 8 months in miltary prison at Leavenworth. He's wondering if he can still own or have a gun with a bad conduct discharge. I'm not sure. I call my retinue and we agree that it's worthy of research and we should do a bar journal article about it. I love it when a plan comes together.
Doctor lady and her husband come in and their attorney has told them that without a trust, their silencer order will need to be approved by the CLEO of the region. This is why people hate lawyers. I get all their stuff drawn up as they requested with two trusts and interlocking responsible parties. Double the prints and plenty of passport photos all around.
Dead Air is behind on pistons and mounts, as usual but I'm assured by the big man in charge that they will be at wholesalers shortly. I'm so scrambled that I forget to charge her for two cans. No big deal, I'll email her and deal with it when I get her the mounts.
I have a facebook marketplace post up for an old Glock brand Pistol case and some glock brand ear pro. Here's the message:

Hi Will it's John from facebook marketplace I was looking at the glock bb gun and head phones will you show me a pic of the actually glock and does it have a clip and a slide,,??¿?? My old one did but I left it at my apartment I was sharing with friends but I miss having it lmk asap please and thanks sincerely Jeff K.

FC: Lets start here. 1. I don't sell Glock BB guns. 2. I don't have head phones. Were you only interested in BB guns?

Ya I was on Facebook marketplace looking for BB c02 pistols

sigh
I go truck shopping online. A guy has a 2011 F250 diesel for $24k. Except it's not a 2011. It's a 2001. I don't know what's more absurd, a 2011 at $24k, when average retail is a shade under $20k or a 20 year old truck selling for half of MSRP.
I'm ready to give up on this. Truck prices are stupid. I check my email. Timer in transit, Fedex has it en route.
I head home and pop a flexiril and head to sleep. The flexeril isn't fixing any of my muscles but manages to knock me the fuck out quite nicely. I need to be up early.
Just got paid, Friday night....
Friday, or FC vs The Washing Machine
As a kid, I always played with my dads toolbox. I took apart tons of stuff and had no idea how to put it back together. Some kids when they're in the tender years made birdhouses and small woodworking projects and it was super fun for them to pretend. Me? I took apart a 1 horse GE electric blower motor my dad short circuited on accident and made a pretend General Electric first generation boiling water nuclear reactor. Which was not really easy to do given the fact that the internet didn't exist in the early 90's. You had to have some modicum of imagination, and in that case your design was neither right nor wrong because nobody could easily prove your design accurate or otherwise. I had effectively built Schrodinger's BWR. I used different colored and sized tapcons and red heads for fuel/control rods if anyone was wondering. I think I can handle the washing machine. Just for good measure I put on my Cal Tech shirt.
As I warm up breakfast, I get an email from a guy named Eddie. He wants to see some 40S&W pistols. I tell him I have a busy morning. I can find some time for him around 10AM if he wants to stop by and I'll have what he's looking for ready.
My fedex guy stops at the Boeing facility first thing in the morning to drop off parts at the loading dock, I know his schedule so I pull up to the dock and hang out there waiting for him. Jeff is right on time and I snag my washer timer. No email back from Eddie so time to head back home to put everything back together. I'm in the middle of buttoning it up when I get a call.
Eddie is standing in my parking lot wanting to check out some 40S&W pistols I have in stock. I tell him all my available inventory on the website and that if he wanted me to have everything ready for him at 10AM, he should have given me an affirmative reply or a phone call. Right now, clean underwear is a priority and Eddie seems to understand this and he says he will chat with me later.
I head back to work. The entire parking lot smells like weed. There's a VW microbus parked on the far side of the lot and I'm downwind of it.
This is not a coincidence.
Wholesale rep tries to sell me $700 complete andersons again with a min order of 50. Pass.
I get a bunch of messages from other dealers looking to buy ammo off me and resell it to their customers at "reasonable" prices and I tell them they are fools for selling stuff cheap. They just don't get it and they'll be out of business soon.
I get a call from a guy wanting ammo. He wants all my 22LR. I tell him the price and he says "I can't make a profit selling it at those prices!"
This is the reason regular people can't buy ammo just FYI.
It's Friday again. I've got another gun show to prep for. New product just rolls in on the UPS truck. A few glocks, a few shields, and for some reason the rep sent me 5 sets of rear MBUS sights instead of 5 front and 5 rear. Ugh. I manage to get a small allocation of 9mm in on this truck as well as 11 boxes of 10mm! This year is looking better by the week!
I get several calls for AAC mounts that nobody has in stock and the owners are totally confused. One guy had a can and was selling a rifle and sold the ONLY mount he owned for that can to the guy buying his rifle for $200.
He was under the impression that you could just call AAC and order another mount for $112. I tell him if I can find what he's looking for, I'll need to buy it for $250 from someone and that it will sell for $350-500 by the time I mark it up. He's super confused as to why everyone is running out and buying AAC mounts and why they can't be ordered. I explain AAC/Remington's two bankruptices in 5 years. He is even more confused. I finally blurt it out.
You had ONE mount for your can. You sold it. There are no other mounts. You have paid a tax stamp for and own a can that YOU CAN NO LONGER MOUNT because you sold them. He now realizes the error of his ways. Nothing I can do about that.
Second guy tells me he sees I have AAC mounts. He needs one for his can. I ask him what model he has. He has to crack open the safe.
1: It's an Advanced Armament Corp Norcross Georgia
FC: That's the manufacturer......
1: It's a.........ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFF EFFF
FC: It's a what?
1: It says on the side ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFFF EFFFF
(Editors note: https://www.advanced-armament.com/assets/products/762-SDN-6.png )
FC: That's not the model.
1: It's not? Then what did I read to you?
FC: That's not a zero. That's the letter O.

1. The number O?

FC: O. As in Oh. ENNNN. Dash. Oh. EFFF EFF.
1: I'm confused.
FC: You just read the directions to take the can ON or OFF.
1: Huh that would explain the arrows wouldn't it......
FC: Yeah. What model do you have?
1: It's an MK13-SD!
FC: You need a 90T ratchet mount.
1: Great! You stock em, right?
FC: Nope.
1: But your website has some, those will work right?
FC: Unless you need 51T mounts, I can't help you.
1: Can you suggest someone that can? I need mounts.
FC: AAC is gone, these mounts may never be made again.
1: Shit.
Not to be out done, I get one more phone call.
1: hey this is brent, I need an AAC mount
FC: What model you got?
1: 7.62
FC: Right, thats the caliber.
1: RS7!
FC: SR7?
1: That's the one! I need an SR 7 mount in 5.56, the one I have is in 7.62
FC: Got four here. $400.
1: I just need one.
FC: That is for one.
1: WHAT? FOR ONE? Why's it so expensive?
FC: Remington went under. These may never be made again. I've been buying up everything I've been able to find so I can run the table.
1: That's a good business move.
FC: Not my first rodeo.
1: Well for $400 I'll just take a mount off a rifle I'm not using and I'll set that up. Thanks anyways.
(90 minutes later, my door swings open)
FC: What can I do for you?
1: I'm brent, we talked about that RS7 mount.
FC: SR7.
1: Whatever. I got this here and it does not even fit! It's for the wrong rifle! I need the right mount, this one is in 5.56 I need the one for the 7.62
FC: Lemme see what you got.
(Looks at package. AAC 90T TAPER MOUNT FH SR-5 5.56 1/2x28)
FC: What are you mounting this to?
1: AR15 in 223
FC: This is the correct mount.
1: No it's not! It does not fit!
FC: Does not fit barrel or can?
1: The can! I mounted it to the barrel and the can won't work! Need the one for the RS7!
FC: SR7
1: Whatever! I have a 7.62 can, this mount is for 5.56 and it's the wrong one.
FC: Who sold you this mount?
1: The gun store across the street from my house.
FC: You live an hour away, why didn't you go there?
1: I did, they don't have this mount in 7.62, I went there first.
FC: And they didn't explain this to you?
1: What is there to explain? This mount is marked 5.56. My can isn't 5.56. It's 7.62.
FC: Oh, so you want the one marked 7.62 in 1/2x28.
1: Exactly!
FC: 7.62 mounts aren't made in 1/2x28, all the 90T mounts are 90T exterior and the threading internally is different.
1: You're wrong.
FC: Please, argue with the guy wearing a caltech shirt.....
1: Prove it.
(I open his package and I grab an SR7 out of the safe. I press the latch down and thread it on)
1: You son of a bitch.
FC: You want to argue with me some more?
1: So what mount do I need?
(I pull out one of my mounts and show him side by side they're exactly the same)
1: Hmmmm. Okay. I must have done something wrong.
FC: There's not a lot of ways to do this wrong, but you found one. Go try it again.
(90 minutes later he calls back and tells me I was right)
What the fuck is with all the AAC people this week that are totally clueless?
But hey, at least I have clean underwear.